As my many adoring fans know (Hi, mom!), we've moved a few times in the past three years. In 2013 we left the comforts of Fredericksburg, VA and moved to Jacksonville, NC. My impression of Jacksonville as a whole can be summed-up in a contemptuous facial expression and we'll leave it at that. This past summer we moved to Williamsburg, VA and I have enjoyed this change of scenery so much more. This, however, is not the point of the post. Making friends is the point of this post. Every so often someone will ask if I've made any friends and every single time the answer is "no."
Making friends as an adult is f*cking hard. It's not like I can get up in someone's face and ask if they want to play hide-and-seek with me, thus initiating a lifelong friendship. Making friends is made even harder when you're an introvert. For starters, I truly enjoy spending my time at home no matter how much I want to murder all of the living creatures that reside in it. Putting myself out there is hard when I don't physically go anywhere, anyway. I also feel like I'm a victim of "Resting B*tch Face" and, given my propensity for absolute silence, this can certainly only be viewed by outsiders as unfriendly. Then, when I do come out of my shell, I tend to talk about things nobody cares about and probably tell them highly inappropriate information that leaves them wondering who the hell they just came into contact with and whether the authorities should be involved (and if I've asked them to play hide-and-seek the authorities will certainly be getting involved).
We lived in Jacksonville for three years and I can count on no fingers how many friends I made. I was friendly and tried putting myself out there. One time I was asked to join a mom running group that rotated homes and watched each other's children. I went once. That was hard. I gave myself pep talks the whole night before and while driving over the next morning. For me to go to a complete stranger's home and try and make myself comfortable is vomit inducing but I did it. It's moments like these that I rely heavily on my children as a sort of shield. If you see me in public, white knuckling my child's shoulder and constantly stroking her hair it's because I'm highly uncomfortable and somehow, she's protecting me from the horrors of human contact.
Anyway, that afternoon after I left the first and last running group I'll ever join, I got the distinct impression one in the group didn't like me. The second time I tried to go I was running late and when I got to the house nobody answered the door. Later, I saw the person who was at the house (the one whom I gathered was not a fan of mine) was posting pictures on Facebook at about the same time I was standing at the door with my two girls in tow, a lunch for them packed. No matter how unsubstantiated my feelings were, my paranoid-self just knew that she did not answer the door on purpose and I felt like I had entered the Mean Girls club. Of course, the fact that she was surrounded by about five children with the TV turned-on meant absolutely nothing to me. Needless to say the girls and I continued our regular, solo, running routine though deviated slightly on the days I knew the mom running group would be in the neighborhood.
So, yes, my attempts at making friends have been nothing short of pathetic. I've met plenty of women here in Williamsburg that I think would make great friends but how do I put myself out there? I've met other mom's at some of the girls' activities and we've hit if off but how does one ask another woman for her digits? What if, after spending more time together she realizes what a weirdo-with-really-strong-opinions-about-almost-everything I am? It's like dating but way, way worse because I'm probably not even getting free dinner out of the deal. I've been seeing a dermatologist for the past few months and today I realized we had a lot in common. But, again, how do I ask if she wants to be my friend? Should I do it as she's looking between my butt cheeks for abnormal moles or should I wait until later? Later.
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