Shower Time

For a fleeting moment this morning I was the most brilliant mother in the world.  So brilliant they would be talking about me for ages.  Then, reality struck and I was back to being annoyed and screamy.

You see, I have a hard time determining the best time to take a shower.  Nighttime is optimal but I hate taking showers at night because I wake-up feeling dirty (take that as you will).  Besides, I started running again so that necessitates a morning shower.  I could wait just a few hours after the run and take a shower during the girls' naptime but I'm in school full-time and need that full 15 minutes of pure bliss for studying (aka a nap).

Now, the biggest part of taking a shower after a run is what to do with the girls.  Alex is pretty well-behaved on her own for the most part (this does not include yesterday when she got a hold of the permanent marker and inked herself and her sister up) and I don't mind if she's not in the bathroom with me.  Jo, on the other hand, I don't trust as far as I can throw her and that's not very far because she's quite the chunket.  For starters she likes to stand at the shower ripping the curtain back, filling the floor with water, then subsequently falling because she slips.  This is when she's not finding random things to throw in the tub with me like stuffed animals and wooden toys that could impale me if I slipped and fell in a freak accident.  In all it makes for a less than luxurious shower experience.

Today, however, I had a brilliant idea.  I would take the gate from the bottom of the stairs and prop it against the door to the closet which connects to the bathroom.  That way the girls could play in there and I could take a shower completely kid free and worry free.

Fool.  Oh, silly, silly fool.  I got about half-way through when things started to go wrong.  First, Alex was taking all of my shoes and throwing them over the gate into the bathroom.  Whatever, that was bound to happen.  Then, she figured out she could get through the gate and leave her sister on the other side, essentially taunting her.  Jo, of course did not take kindly to this and stood on the other side crying her banshee cry.  During this time Alex was going back and forth between the bathroom and closet when finally, I heard the inevitable crashing of the gate as it fell to the floor.  My head dropped, defeated.  I just wanted to take a f***ing shower.  Just a mother f****ing shower.  It had been two days since I took one.  I really needed it and all I wanted to do was take it without having to hold onto the shower curtain and shave my legs at the same time.

"Out!" I yelled at Alex, "Get out!  Just go!"  By this point Jo had crawled onto the gate and was making her way out ready for her shower reign rain of terror to start.  Instead, because I didn't care anymore, I told Alex to open the bathroom door and let them both go, out into the house.  A few minutes later and I realized my grievous error.  I had taken the gate from the bottom of the steps, meaning Jo would see her chance to climb the stairs and fall and break her neck laugh in the face of danger once she reached the top.  Freaking A.  I jumped out of the shower, grabbed the useless gate and ran into the living room hoping none of the neighbors had a pair of binoculars trained on the window of the living room (What?  I like to think of myself as potential MILF material).

So, here I sit.  Defeated and deflated.  Maybe one day I'll have it all figured out.  Or, at least the shower part.  I won't be so bold as to state that one day I'll have it all figured out because that is certainly foolish.