In the immortal words of Buddy the Elf: "SANTA! OH MY GOD! SANTA'S COMING! I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM!" ~ Elf (2003)
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
Idiots
Every day I am reminded that we are surrounded by idiots. Our lovely neighbors are a prime example and a brief review of just about any article's comment section on the Internet is another example of the stupidity I face on a daily basis. It bothers me that Americans are required to attend school until we are 17 years old yet nobody seems to actually be learning anything (which is a whole other blog post for another day...that will probably occur around election time when I'm at my wits end with all of the ignorance that abounds...this will eventually lead into a blog post about stupid people breeding).
Anyway, there must be something about the area where we live that attracts the dumbest of the dumb. While we live in a pretty nice neighborhood I suppose idiocy knows no boundaries. At 2:30 in the morning Marcus and I were awakened (awoken?) by a young man practicing his skateboarding moves in the parking lot directly across the street from us. Why, do you ask, was someone skateboarding at 2:30 in the morning in the freezing cold? Well, I would respond, he is a classic case of a flippin' idiot. A skateboard-flippin' idiot to be exact. This normally wouldn't bother me at all except, well, it was 2:30 in the morning. Maybe part of me is jealous that this young man apparently has no other responsibility except to skateboard in the middle of the night. Or, maybe I'm just pissed off because he woke me up from a deep slumber. It's probably the latter because, who am I kidding? Even without the responsibilities that I have today you would be hard pressed to find me skateboarding at 2:30 in the morning...or any time of day for that matter.
The more I think about it, there must be something with that particular parking lot that attracts idiots. Again, in the mornings, around 6:00 or so, the construction crews for the university across the street start to show up. One morning this week they decided it would be fun to have a car horn fight. Yay. Please, continue honking your car horn at each other for approximately 5 minutes and think it's funny. You know what else is funny? A brick through your windshield.
So, what does this say about me? Well, for one, I'm clearly not a morning person. Two, I have zero tolerance for those who exhibit absolutely no common sense or regard for anyone but themselves. Three, I think it's safe to say that by the time I reach the age of 70 (God willing) I'll probably be living in the mountains with a bunch of goats.
Anyway, there must be something about the area where we live that attracts the dumbest of the dumb. While we live in a pretty nice neighborhood I suppose idiocy knows no boundaries. At 2:30 in the morning Marcus and I were awakened (awoken?) by a young man practicing his skateboarding moves in the parking lot directly across the street from us. Why, do you ask, was someone skateboarding at 2:30 in the morning in the freezing cold? Well, I would respond, he is a classic case of a flippin' idiot. A skateboard-flippin' idiot to be exact. This normally wouldn't bother me at all except, well, it was 2:30 in the morning. Maybe part of me is jealous that this young man apparently has no other responsibility except to skateboard in the middle of the night. Or, maybe I'm just pissed off because he woke me up from a deep slumber. It's probably the latter because, who am I kidding? Even without the responsibilities that I have today you would be hard pressed to find me skateboarding at 2:30 in the morning...or any time of day for that matter.
The more I think about it, there must be something with that particular parking lot that attracts idiots. Again, in the mornings, around 6:00 or so, the construction crews for the university across the street start to show up. One morning this week they decided it would be fun to have a car horn fight. Yay. Please, continue honking your car horn at each other for approximately 5 minutes and think it's funny. You know what else is funny? A brick through your windshield.
So, what does this say about me? Well, for one, I'm clearly not a morning person. Two, I have zero tolerance for those who exhibit absolutely no common sense or regard for anyone but themselves. Three, I think it's safe to say that by the time I reach the age of 70 (God willing) I'll probably be living in the mountains with a bunch of goats.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Alex vs. The Plant
Remember the time I said that Alex had done something bad and that, despite her short 9 months of life, knew she had done something bad? Well, this weekend she did something even worse, though in her defense it was Marcus's and my fault that it happened at all.
This weekend we kicked off our fun, old-fashioned, family Christmas (Christmas Vacation, anybody?!) by driving out into the country and chopping down our own Christmas tree (we remembered the saw in case anyone was worried). When we got it home Alex was hell bent on not taking a nap so I went ahead and started dragging the Christmas decorations up, from the basement figuring this would be fun for her and me. At the same time Marcus was busy doing whatever it is Marcus does on a semi-lazy Saturday afternoon and so, between the two of us, we were preoccupied doing really important stuff (Read: maybe neglecting our child).
I have, or should I say "had," a basil plant on a plant stand in the living room in front of a window that gets the most sun. I can't tell you how many times I've brought this plant back from the brink. It's at least 3 years old and has maybe 1 more life left in it. Once Alex started crawling I knew it would have to go elsewhere but that elsewhere is Marcus's office and I don't like to leave the curtains open in that room during the night because of all of the electronics in there. In addition it's virtually impossible for me to remember to open those particular curtains in the morning, allowing the plant to get sunlight and thus the potential for nearly killing the plant increases. So, long story short, the plant was in the living room despite the fact I knew that was a bad idea.
Now, Alex is crawling and most recently has mastered the fine art of pulling herself up. Both of these activities should have indicated to me that now was the time to move the plant out of the living room but "lazy" is my middle name and I just never got around to moving it. It would have been in my better interests to listen to my inner voices (this one time, anyway) and move the darn thing because this weekend Alex set out to murder my plant for the last time.
As I was trimming the tree and Marcus was doing Marcus stuff we both watched as Alex crawled to the basil plant. We even watched as she grabbed the top rung of the plant stand and both thought to ourselves, "That's probably not a good idea," only to turn around and go back to the really important things we were doing. Within a matter of seconds the inevitable crash of a potted plant and child reverberated through the house. Marcus and I looked over to see Alex, in a daze under the plant stand (which is very light before anyone gets all CPS on us), and the pot broken into multiple pieces with my beloved, ancient basil plant completely uprooted.
So, you may wonder, what lessons did we take home from this experience? 1. If Alex looks like she’s about to get in trouble, she is, no question about it. 2. Basil plants are surprisingly resilient. 3. Terracotta pots are not resilient. 4. No matter what, I cannot get mad at this face…at least not yet.
This weekend we kicked off our fun, old-fashioned, family Christmas (Christmas Vacation, anybody?!) by driving out into the country and chopping down our own Christmas tree (we remembered the saw in case anyone was worried). When we got it home Alex was hell bent on not taking a nap so I went ahead and started dragging the Christmas decorations up, from the basement figuring this would be fun for her and me. At the same time Marcus was busy doing whatever it is Marcus does on a semi-lazy Saturday afternoon and so, between the two of us, we were preoccupied doing really important stuff (Read: maybe neglecting our child).
I have, or should I say "had," a basil plant on a plant stand in the living room in front of a window that gets the most sun. I can't tell you how many times I've brought this plant back from the brink. It's at least 3 years old and has maybe 1 more life left in it. Once Alex started crawling I knew it would have to go elsewhere but that elsewhere is Marcus's office and I don't like to leave the curtains open in that room during the night because of all of the electronics in there. In addition it's virtually impossible for me to remember to open those particular curtains in the morning, allowing the plant to get sunlight and thus the potential for nearly killing the plant increases. So, long story short, the plant was in the living room despite the fact I knew that was a bad idea.
Now, Alex is crawling and most recently has mastered the fine art of pulling herself up. Both of these activities should have indicated to me that now was the time to move the plant out of the living room but "lazy" is my middle name and I just never got around to moving it. It would have been in my better interests to listen to my inner voices (this one time, anyway) and move the darn thing because this weekend Alex set out to murder my plant for the last time.
As I was trimming the tree and Marcus was doing Marcus stuff we both watched as Alex crawled to the basil plant. We even watched as she grabbed the top rung of the plant stand and both thought to ourselves, "That's probably not a good idea," only to turn around and go back to the really important things we were doing. Within a matter of seconds the inevitable crash of a potted plant and child reverberated through the house. Marcus and I looked over to see Alex, in a daze under the plant stand (which is very light before anyone gets all CPS on us), and the pot broken into multiple pieces with my beloved, ancient basil plant completely uprooted.
So, you may wonder, what lessons did we take home from this experience? 1. If Alex looks like she’s about to get in trouble, she is, no question about it. 2. Basil plants are surprisingly resilient. 3. Terracotta pots are not resilient. 4. No matter what, I cannot get mad at this face…at least not yet.
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| It was an ugly "plant" anyway. (Seriously, Christmas Vacation, anyone?! C'mon!) |
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