The Handful

Josephine.  Josephine, Josephine, Josephine.  Where do I start with this one?  First off I'd just like to say that I called this a long time ago.  Josephine is turning out to be quite the handful.  This weekend gave us a brief glimpse into our future and boy, is it busy.

The first lesson of the week started on Saturday.  First of all I should tell you that Jo started pulling herself up about 2 weeks ago.  Since then she's taken numerous tree-like falls backwards and I wouldn't be one bit surprised if she's given herself a mild concussion by now.  She pulls herself up onto everything and on Saturday climbed up the entire staircase.  Now, before you get all crazy I was right behind her the whole time.  Anyway, we've since put a gate at the bottom of the stairs.

Lesson number two came when I realized she had rediscovered the cat food I had already hidden on her once before.  Water and food was everywhere.  We've since barricaded the front door area of the house.  Please note that both lesson one and two are more of a hindrance for Marcus and I than anything because now we have to maneuver around things.

Lesson number three came when I found her in the bathroom eating toilet paper.  I hate to say this but by this point in time I'm fairly certain she's consumed toilet paper, potting soil, a piece of string, a part of a birthday blowout party favor, of course cat food, and not to mention anything else I haven't caught her with red-handed.  Unfortunately I don't have a better solution for any of these scenarios except for never taking my eye off her for one second and, I'll be perfectly honest here, that ain't gonna happen.

Lesson number four happened Sunday morning just before church.  I was in the bathroom when I heard a thud followed by the screams of Jo (her screams could wake the dead...I am certain the entire neighborhood has heard her).  I walked into the living room to be told that Jo had been standing in Marcus's lap and had launched herself over the arm of the chair they were in.  Neither of us know how she landed but she did have a nice bruise on her forehead so we assume she landed on her head.  Great.  We watched for signs of serious injury but other than crying her eyes out she acted normal.  Lesson number four, do not let Jo stand in your lap and launch herself over the arm of a chair.

Lesson number five also happened on Sunday when I was running on the treadmill while Marcus was "watching" the girls.  I know Marcus well enough to know that when I started running I needed to glance behind me every once in a while to see who might be lurking back there.  Alex would generally come in the room, stand there watching for a second, then leave.  However, towards the end of my run Jo had been lured in by the activity of her big sister.  I saw, out of the corner of my eye, as she spotted me on the treadmill and got the biggest shit-eating grin you ever saw.  She gave a shriek and made a bee line right for the treadmill.  "Marcus!" I screamed.  No response.  "Marcus!" I tried again, the panic rising.  Finally, in a last ditch effort to stop her I was about to hop off the machine when Marcus came running into the room and scooped her up.  Mind you, at no point did I ever consider turning the machine off so we can see where my priorities lie in times of distress.  Now, I either run when the girls are sleeping or, if Marcus is home...oh, who am I kidding?  I won't be running with Marcus in charge anymore.

Since I already called it earlier that Jo would be a handful I'm going to call this:  Jo will be the first to either get stitches or break a bone (God help me).

Does this look like the face of a troublemaker?  Yes.

Marcus The Doctor

In the immortal words of "Dora the Explorer" (Shoot me.  Shoot me, now.) "He did it, he did it, he did it, hooray!"  This past Saturday Marcus was officially accepted into the "company of scholars" (their words, not mine) when he received his Doctorate of Engineering.  What an achievement that has been 5 years in the making.  Along with working on his doctoral thesis these past five years Marcus has:  Married me, welcomed 2 baby girls (and a cat) into his life, purchased 4 homes and flipped one, purchased an apartment building, moved twice, took jobs in D.C. and North Carolina, received his pilot's license, traveled to Hawaii, Jamaica, Costa Rica, and Japan, and broken at least two bones. 

Couple all of these life events with me trying not to kill him and it's a miracle he made it at all.  No, seriously.  His life was on the line on more than one occasion.  Everyone congratulated me, too for being here supporting Marcus but I certainly don't deserve any credit because half the time I was debating on the merits of poisoning versus electrocution or just moving back in with my mom.  I'm also not proud to say that I know for a fact when flung across the room at a high velocity avocado stains walls.  Don't ask me how I know, just trust me.

All of this is simply to say, though, how great it is to know this portion of our lives is over.  We made it through despite the craziness that has been our lives and now we can focus on other things, like absolutely NOTHING.  

Mommy Vs. Alex

What I say:  "Alex.  I really need JoJo to take a nap right now so can you come in here with us and read quietly while I give her a bottle?"

What Alex hears:  "Alex.  I really need JoJo to take a nap so can you come in here with us and pull out every book that either makes animal noises or, is being read to you or, sings lullabies?  After that can you play outside of JoJo's doorway with the Johnny Jump-Up by slamming it repeatedly into the doorjamb?  That would be great, thanks."