The End of an Era

All good things must come to an end, as they say. And so that is how on the 22nd of July in the year 2011 I said goodbye to my dear, dear friend the jet ski. I think back fondly to the day I first laid eyes upon the yellow, pink, and purple Seadoo. What an ugly piece of shit, I believe, are the words that first entered my mind. It was a majestic machine that evoked memories of days long past with its 80s-style graphics. As if it were a time machine I found myself back in my early childhood, wearing four pairs of socks in alternating (neon) colors and my hair so crimped it practically broke right off if you touched it.

It was so much more than just a machine that had the potential for flying across the water at high(ish) rates of speed. And it was so much more than just a fond reminder of my youth. It was an intricate piece that kept the far right corner and upper left corner of the garage together. It was a constant source of inspiration for not only me but for my darling, Marcus, as well. For me, the jet ski was a metaphor for my life: slowly getting older but still yearning to feel young and vibrant. For Marcus, the jet ski was a battle he would not lose. He would not let this jet ski down and he would fix it. Once. And. For. All.

So, it came to pass that one day Marcus did just that. He fixed it. And it ran. For longer than 20 minutes.

I soon found myself standing in the driveway watching Marcus drive out of sight, towing the jet ski behind him. Tears formed in my eyes as I remembered all of our good times. Where would I go from here? What could possibly take the place of my beloved? As I turned to head back in I found my answer. The arcade game “Ivan Stewart’s Off Road” sat, beckoning me from the far reaches of the garage with its blue painters tape holding the mother board in place and truly inspired 80s computer graphics. Ah, yes! How could I forget? The very first thing that followed Marcus home after we were married and which, in turn, was the very first thing of his that I despised. I had put so much time and energy into my relationship with the jet ski that I had practically forgotten about “ISOR*.”  I feel as if I have come full circle. 

*Quick side note: After typing that acronym I can’t help but be amused by the fact that it can be pronounced as “eye sore”.

So long, sucker!

Alex's Second Embarrassing Blog Post

It turns out my precious baby has a penchant for pooping near the pulpit. The Spirit of the Lord moves her. Christ compels her!

That’s all I’ve got.

While this episode was different from Grandma’s it was entertaining in its own right. Sunday morning came and as per usual I found myself rushing around, trying to be ready in time for the 10:00 service. Marcus also wanted to walk so we needed to be out the door with enough time to walk the 15 minutes it takes to get there. Before we left I had the foresight to grab Alex’s diaper bag. To be honest, I almost didn’t bring it but remembered a recent church adventure that required Marcus to leave and change her. If it hadn’t been for that I would have left it at home because, I thought, what could happen in a hour?

At some point during the service Alex fell asleep in my arms which eventually turned into my arms falling asleep so I passed her off to Marcus. Ha! As luck would have it I did so just in the nick of time because shortly after all hell broke loose in her diaper and there was no way we could get by without changing her. As my motto goes “Whoever felt it deals with it” so Marcus soon left with a fully clothed baby and diaper. Quite some time later, which should have been my first clue something was amiss, he returned and I watched in shock as he walked up the aisle with a half-naked baby who was looking rather pleased with herself. Of course.

So, lessons learned here? 1. Always bring a diaper bag regardless of how long you plan on being gone. 2. Leave a spare onesie (or two) in the diaper bag so that you don’t find yourself holding a naked baby in church. In the end we arrived at church in our Sunday best and left wearing nothing but our birthday suit. And yes, we walked the whole way home with a naked baby basking in the morning glow of the sun.

Silence of the Lambies

Is it weird that while I'm putting lotion on Alex I say to her in my mommy voice "It puts the lotion on the skin?"

4th of July Weekend a.k.a. the Weekend the Jet Ski Moved From One Corner of the Garage to the Other

I know you all have been waiting with bated breath to hear about the latest adventures of the jet ski.  Marcus proved me wrong during Memorial Day weekend when he ended up taking the jet ski out to the water where it ran for roughly 20 minutes.  I asked my darling husband when he's just going to give up on this.  In my opinion, which doesn't really stand for much since I know jack about jet skis, out of all the pieces of crap he's collected over the years this one is probably the biggest piece of crap.  Anyway, the jet ski is back at the house and this time it's been put to good use as a magnet for other crap.  If you'll note it did move from one side of the garage to the other so that's promising; it's just a few more inches from being out the garage door.  In the meantime I'll continue taking pictures of it's movement throughout the garage and documenting it's running time.  So far, for the summer of 2011, it's been moved once and ran for 20 minutes.  I think we're off to a good start!

Nope, no water over here either