Daycare

My baby is in daycare now and I hate it.  I despise it.  I loathe it.  I f-ing can't stand it.  She deserves so much better.  What she deserves is her mom being the one to hold her, and feed her, and teach her new things.

I don't know why dropping her off in the morning seems easier than picking her up.  You would think that after picking her up in the afternoon I feel more cheerful but it's the exact opposite.  I suppose I'm able to block out what I'm doing since I'm always running late for work and have my mind on other things.  But after I've picked her up and we're on our way home I feel like crying.  I become morose and sullen and feel the tears burning in the back of my eyes.

For the most part she seems quite content with her new situation.  On her first day we walked in and she was cooing and oohing at the bright, cheery lights, and flurry of activity.   When I left she barely batted an eyelash as she was quite enthralled with all of the other little people her size.  I made my way to work that morning, choking back tears, and spent the rest of the day trying not to think about where she was.  At the end of the day, though, my thoughts turned to her and it seemed like an eternity between the two of us.  I thought of all the possible routes to take but regardless of which direction I chose it would still take 40 minutes to get to her.  Once there, I found her sitting in a crusty swing with a crusty bib wrapped around her neck.  Her chin was broken-out in a rash which I later discovered was due to her use of a pacifier (unusual considering she never uses a pacifier at home).  I could see the dried tears at the corners of her eyes and my heart dropped, breaking into more pieces than I thought possible.

I knew that when we decided to put her in daycare she would be exposed to new things and people.  I knew that there would only be so many hands to attend to all of the babies and I knew they would do the best they could.  I knew it was going to be harder for me to adjust than it would for her.  I just never knew I would despise this decision with every fiber of my being.

Does Xanax Come In Infant Doses?

Listed below are a few things my infant does that would be considered borderline neurotic if she were an adult:

1.  While eating she plucks at her clothes; she pulls at the fabric over and over again.
2.  Another thing she does while eating is she puts her hand on top of her head and plucks at her, practically non-existent, hair.  In her defense, what hair she does have is super soft and fluffy and feels particularly nice when you snuggle your face into it.
3.  When excited she flails her arms and then drops her head quickly and to the left as if she has a tic.  I'm not entirely sure she doesn't.
4.  Laughs and cries at the same time.  I think she's still working out her emotions.  Or she needs Xanax, I can't be sure.
5.  She has a fetish for paper.  She loves crinkling it and chewing on it which is all fun and games until we realize a chunk of paper is missing.  It's one of the few things she gets upset about if we take it away.
6.  She sucks her lips in over and over again.  This might not look so strange if she had teeth.
7.  She balls her hand into a fist, sticks it in her mouth, then moves it from her mouth to her ear, back and forth frantically.  In the meantime, her face gets drenched in her own saliva. (update:  11/9/2011)

You Know What Would Be Great?

If you follow my blog!  Yes, that's right, ladies and gentleman (I'm assuming there's really only one man reading this) in just four easy steps you can be "in the know" of the comings and goings of the Tepaske Tribe.

1.  Scroll to the very bottom of this screen.
2.  Select the "Join This Site" button underneath the "Followers" header.
3.  Determine the manner in which you'd like to join whether it's with Google, Twitter, or Yahoo...I don't really care which you decide as long as you pick one.
4.  Enter the password for the account you selected.
5.  Ta da!  You will never feel lost again after realizing how many blog posts you've missed since the last time you visited. 

So, you see.  This isn't about me.  It's about you and I want you to feel special.

Yes, Please

Here's the thing.  I've never really been a fan of Maroon 5.  I've generally found their lead singer, Adam Levine, to be annoying and rodent-esque in features.  Their music is a mix of saccharine and sex which, in itself, isn't necessarily a bad combination but for some reason I could just never jump on the Maroon 5 bandwagon.

That was, until this:

This, my friends, is pop perfection.  It's annoying, it's catchy, it's obnoxious, and repetitive.  Everything that makes a good pop song a great pop song.

It's also on constant replay much to the dismay of everyone around me.

4-D Ultrasound = Cute Pictures and Nothing Else

I was driving home yesterday and heard an ad on the radio for 4-D ultrasounds that had me rolling my eyes.  Admittedly, it doesn't take much to get me rolling my eyes.  Call me cynical or call me educated (I prefer the latter) but advertising that a parent can see their child's personality through 4-D imaging just does not sit right with me.

I don't have a problem with 4-D ultrasounds so let me get that point across right away.  Marcus and I chose not to get one mostly because we didn't want to know the sex of the baby and that would have been one more temptation.  Plus, we're old school.  We didn't think it necessary to see a picture of our baby before (s)he was born.

So, getting back to the topic at hand.  The problem I had with the ad is it set about convincing people to spend additional money on the already expensive process of having a baby by claiming they would be able to see their child's personality with a 4-D image.  At the end of the ad a "grandmother" came on saying that she could already tell what kind of personality the baby had because it started sucking its thumb, putting its hand over its face, and stretching.  So, let me get this straight.  Sucking thumbs, covering a face, and stretching are all indicators of personality?  My apologies.  I thought that was called "being a fetus."

If you'll excuse me for a moment I'm about to get Mr. Wizard on your ass.  Or, if you're of a younger generation, Bill Nye the Science Guy.  Same thing.  Anyway, babies are born with almost all of their brain cells all of which are inactive.  After the baby is born stimulation from caregivers, such as love and affection, activate the connections between the cells causing their personality to shine through.  So, while the baby already has a predisposition for one personality or another it's not until after they are born and are stimulated that a personality will be apparent.  Thus, the 4-D ultrasound ad defies logic.

In math terms we can look at it this way:  Baby + Emotional Stimuli = Personality or, Fetus + Non-Existent Emotional Stimuli ≠ Personality

So, with that, I leave you.  Now, go get a 4-D ultrasound and enjoy the beautiful pictures but don't expect to be able to figure out who is in there...unless you're hoping for a thumb-sucking, mama's boy in which case you may have more issues than you think.

Our Black Swan

The other day Marcus and I were talking about how when Alex was born she looked like a little, old man.  Since then, and I know we're biased, she's really grown into her cuteness.  Anyway, this was the conversation as I remember it:

Me:  Alex really did look like a little, old man when she was born.  She's really becoming a cute kid.
Marcus:  Yeah, she's like a black swan.
Me:  Huh?  *pausing a moment to try and figure out what the heck he means*  Do you mean the ugly duckling?
Marcus:  Oh.  Yeah.  That's what I meant.

The ballerina in me couldn't help but be slightly turned-on by his ballet reference.

But...I thought you said I was a Sugar Plum?

Update:  Another conversation took place soon after this was posted in which Marcus righteously informed me that he was not trying to reference the movie when he said "black swan."  This soon turned into another confusing conversation during which I determined that he had no clue the movie, Black Swan, was based on an actual ballet, Swan Lake.  This then led me to think that some of my readers may be as confused as Marcus.  I thought everyone knew Swan Lake was a ballet first, Black Swan the movie, second.  I mean, who didn't know that?  Anyone?  Whatever.

Advice To New Moms (Or Dads) From A New Mom

I, in no way, am insinuating that I know anything (as evidenced by #1):

1. You will never feel confident that what you are doing is the right thing to do.  Just take a deep breath, close your eyes, and plunge headfirst into the unknowing.
2. Despite what everything you read states, it will take longer than a week to figure out what your baby's cries mean.  6 months later and I'm just now figuring out Alex's hungry cry and even then I sometimes get it wrong.  The only cry I'm 100% sure about is her pain cry.
3. Speaking of the pain cry, you will know it when you hear it.  What you won't know is why the baby is in pain.  Just go through the list as calmly (yeah, right) as possible:  Too warm, too cold, clothes too tight/pinching, teething, belly ache, ear ache, temperature...the list goes on.  Somehow, during all of that, remember they will be OK even if you aren't.  Also, it helps to have a rational person nearby to talk you down, off the ledge.
4. You will do whatever it takes to get just an hour's worth of sleep.  If that means you discover by chance that the baby sleeps best in the bathroom then, by golly, that's where the baby will sleep.  You may find yourself telling friends and family in an almost apologetic voice about how and where the baby sleeps, and they may be judging you, but who cares?
5. Sleeping when the baby sleeps is easier said than done.  Especially if the baby is up every two hours.  Just accept that most often repeated bit of advice and keep doing what you're doing.
6. Pooping is no longer a tabu subject and can be discussed at all hours of the day:  While brushing your teeth, after work, during dinner, in bed, etc.  You will never have a greater interest in someone else's bathroom habits than you do now.
7. There will be times when you sit down to watch TV in lieu of doing the laundry, making dinner, or general straightening up.  You will feel guilty about not taking care of the house because that fleeting moment of laziness will soon come to an end when the baby wakes up from their nap.  You will get over that feeling of guilt quickly.
8. With that being said you will feel guilty if you didn't use the time to take a shower.  Trust me.  You will feel 100% better.
9. However you're feeling, whether you feel like running away or feel like crying at every turn, talk to someone who will just sit and listen.  Sometimes saying the words out loud make the crazy go away.
10. Never be afraid to hand your child over to someone else.  After doing so go into the kitchen, pour a glass of wine, drink it slowly and after that you may be ready to handle whatever comes your way.