Alexandra the Great

Day 33 Under Dictator Rule: Times are hard. Marcus and I fear for our lives as we struggle to get a wink of sleep or eat what little gruel we’re allowed. It has been 33 days since we found ourselves in this dire situation. Every aspect of our lives is ruled, nay, dictated by a 1 month old baby who answers to the name of Alexandra the Great. She insists we call her by such and we are too scared to find out what would happen if we don’t. She is a pint-sized lunatic who dictates when we eat, sleep, and poop.

Last night was one of the scarier nights of our lives as her full potential for evil was reached. Every 1.5 to 2 hours I was awakened from my slumber by the incessant demands of Alexandra the Great. “Feed me! Change me! Burp me! Damnit, don’t you know how to do your job you nincompoop!” Her tiny fists, uncontrollable by her rage, pummeled me into submission and I bowed to her every demand. Even now, I shake in fear of her next awakening. She will not be pleased if I am not able to procure her milk, a clean diaper, and pacifier in a timely manner. Marcus thinks if we just ignore her she will go away. He is clearly delusional from the lack of sleep.

I hope and pray for our safe return to normalcy but I am afraid it is not to be. She is too powerful and we are too weak. This may be the last time I am able to write. Tell my parents I love them and please make sure Lasagna is well cared for. I bid you all, adieu.