My Husband is Cheaper Than Yours

Ladies, the last thing I want to do is have a pissing contest over whose husband is the cheapest because to be honest, you don’t stand a chance. Case in point: Last night during a discussion of the baby’s crib I mentioned that we should probably take the plastic off the mattress so that it can air out. Marcus’s response? “Let’s leave the plastic on it so we can sell it later.” Yes. Let’s.

When it came to actually purchasing the baby’s furniture it was a battle of epic proportions. There was blood (very minimal…it occurred when I chewed at my nails which I am prone to do when anxious or nervous), sweat (I tend to get flushed easily these days), and tears (all jokes aside, there were tears). Before we begin it’s important to get a few things straight. For one, I wasn’t pushing for an $800 crib. I know better than that. While we certainly aren’t destitute I know our spending limits and Marcus’s propensity for cheapness. Second, furniture for a baby is not optional.

So, there we were at 30 weeks pregnant with a newly painted nursery yet nothing to actually put in the nursery. It was decided that we would venture to the nearest Babies R Us as we would need the furniture fairly quick and were starting to push our luck with furniture delivery times. We made our way to the store and immediately headed to the furniture section. We wandered around looking at all of the different options. It didn’t take long for me to realize we would not be purchasing anything that day. I don’t remember the specifics but I do remember one thing very clearly and that was the waterworks were coming and quickly. It took everything I had not to break into tears in the store (rather, they came later at home and for which I was promised baby furniture within a week).

Two weeks later (yeah, not one week, two weeks...so much for the tears) it was decided we would go back to Babies R Us. We found ourselves once again perusing the choices only there was one big difference: Marcus was drunk. Aha! Ladies, I have found the secret and I cannot believe it took me nearly four years to figure it out. If you desperately need your husband to stop being cheap long enough to get what you want then you’re going to have to get him drunk. As it is we not only bought the crib but the matching dresser, a mattress, and a portable crib. I call that a successful shopping trip. The important thing to note is that I didn’t take complete advantage of the situation. We never once stopped at DSW.

That’s not to say I won’t be taking advantage of my newfound knowledge at a later date because Momma needs a new car.