Have you ever logged into a pregnancy forum on the Internet? I’m going to assume 99.9% of you reading this never have. Admittedly, I have logged into such a site and, in fact, joined one a few weeks ago. My reasoning for doing so was simply if I wanted advice I needed a place to get it...unsolicited mind you. After about a week of reading some of the posts other women make I’m beginning to regret that decision. For starters, joining this particular forum made me realize a few things about myself. I am not a “girly-girl” and I am definitely not an overly ecstatic pregnant woman. I liken myself more to the character Kane in Aliens whenever I think of a little being growing in my stomach. Or, if you’re more of a Spaceballs fan, think of the scene where the alien bursts out of the guy’s chest and starts dancing on the counter…that was funny. Either way, you get my point. The thought of one day looking down at my stomach to see a little foot protruding out is not something that makes me squeal with delight. Rather, it makes me want to be sick and sends shivers down my spine.
I’ve fretted over how non-squealy my reaction to being pregnant was/is. Is my dour, somber attitude going to affect my baby in the end? Will he or she be a really boring adult with no sense of humor? Will they be so miserably depressed because mommy wasn't excited to be pregnant? Being a child of mine and me a child of my father’s I doubt this to be the case but one never knows. The only time I feel overly emotional about carrying a child is when I think of how it has to come out into this world, which is with pain and/or pain neither of which sound like fun to me. (Which leads me to an off-topic question. Why, oh why, can't they knock my ass out?! Why can't I just wake up and have a baby in my arms without knowing the pain I went through. I mean, if you get the epidural, which you better believe I will be getting, you're already half-way there. Why not go all the way?)
I digress.
Getting back to where I began, naturally as a non girly-girl I really can’t stand those who are girly-girls and ecstatically squeal over the thought of pushing a “watermelon out of a lemon” (someone else’s words not mine…can’t remember where that line came from). Therefore joining a pregnancy forum really wasn’t the best idea. The worst part about it though is it’s like a train wreck. I can’t stop going back day after day and reading some of the things these women post. When they aren’t abusing the privilege of made-up acronyms such as “DD” (Darling Daughter) or “BFP” (Big Fat Positive, in regards to pregnancy tests) they’re sharing more information than is really necessary and, if you've ever wondered what morning sickness is like, these women will induce vomitting.
The forums have also made me wonder if a lot of pregnant women are fakers. Not fakers as in they're faking a pregnancy but fakers as in the symptoms they claim are fake. A woman who states that she found out she was pregnant and two hours later is vomiting into the toilet (the apparently oh so coveted and long awaited “morning sickness,” something I have yet to experience) makes me question whether or not the symptom is real or psychosomatic. This is also reinforced by the fact that morning sickness is not considered a symptom of pregnancy in other cultures nor do scientists have a grasp on exactly what it is that causes it.
I can’t say I blame the women. Once people begin to find out you're pregnant they immediately question how you feel, etc. After a while one might start to develop “symptoms” because in their mind that's the way it's supposed to be. The whole situation reminds me a bit of when Marcus and I got married. The day had been perfect until the exact moment I was supposed to walk down the aisle of our outdoor wedding; a quick, summer storm came rolling through. I could see the sunlight over the clouds and I knew it wasn’t going to last very long and I just knew no matter what we were going to get married outside. The women around me, bless their hearts, were frantic. I can only assume they had dealt with brides of a less calm nature (that’s code for “bitches”), and as such I felt like a 5 year old being coddled when the parents bring home the new baby. “Oh, don't worry, rain on your wedding day is good luck! I just know there will be a rainbow after this! It’s going to be just fine! etc, etc, etc.” At one point I even thought to myself, “Holy crap ladies, you're the ones freaking out, not me!" I also thought I could try and milk the situation but determined a "fainting spell" would be going a little overboard.
The point I’m trying to make is when others start assuming you feel a certain way it’s hard not to think to yourself that you do feel that way. As it is I’m coming up to 9 weeks and the only symptom I’ve experienced so far is I can give Pamela Anderson a run for her money and all without the addition of silicone. Oh, and I've decided I will be milking this situation...a lot...and no pun intended with the whole mention of Pam Anderson and "milk." Your mind might not have gone there but mine did.
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