Advice To New Moms (Or Dads) From A New Mom

I, in no way, am insinuating that I know anything (as evidenced by #1):

1. You will never feel confident that what you are doing is the right thing to do.  Just take a deep breath, close your eyes, and plunge headfirst into the unknowing.
2. Despite what everything you read states, it will take longer than a week to figure out what your baby's cries mean.  6 months later and I'm just now figuring out Alex's hungry cry and even then I sometimes get it wrong.  The only cry I'm 100% sure about is her pain cry.
3. Speaking of the pain cry, you will know it when you hear it.  What you won't know is why the baby is in pain.  Just go through the list as calmly (yeah, right) as possible:  Too warm, too cold, clothes too tight/pinching, teething, belly ache, ear ache, temperature...the list goes on.  Somehow, during all of that, remember they will be OK even if you aren't.  Also, it helps to have a rational person nearby to talk you down, off the ledge.
4. You will do whatever it takes to get just an hour's worth of sleep.  If that means you discover by chance that the baby sleeps best in the bathroom then, by golly, that's where the baby will sleep.  You may find yourself telling friends and family in an almost apologetic voice about how and where the baby sleeps, and they may be judging you, but who cares?
5. Sleeping when the baby sleeps is easier said than done.  Especially if the baby is up every two hours.  Just accept that most often repeated bit of advice and keep doing what you're doing.
6. Pooping is no longer a tabu subject and can be discussed at all hours of the day:  While brushing your teeth, after work, during dinner, in bed, etc.  You will never have a greater interest in someone else's bathroom habits than you do now.
7. There will be times when you sit down to watch TV in lieu of doing the laundry, making dinner, or general straightening up.  You will feel guilty about not taking care of the house because that fleeting moment of laziness will soon come to an end when the baby wakes up from their nap.  You will get over that feeling of guilt quickly.
8. With that being said you will feel guilty if you didn't use the time to take a shower.  Trust me.  You will feel 100% better.
9. However you're feeling, whether you feel like running away or feel like crying at every turn, talk to someone who will just sit and listen.  Sometimes saying the words out loud make the crazy go away.
10. Never be afraid to hand your child over to someone else.  After doing so go into the kitchen, pour a glass of wine, drink it slowly and after that you may be ready to handle whatever comes your way.