Drinky, Drinky Mommy

At 9:30 this morning Alexandra brought me a Miller Lite saying "Mommy needs a drink."  For a split second I thought of popping it open only because Alex was so pleased with herself for being such a thoughtful daughter and I didn't want to hurt her feelings but I decided against doing so.  I mean, I'm stressed these days but not that stressed.  I also want to clear up the fact that I do not sit around all day drinking.  Nor do I sit around all night drinking.  In fact, my alcohol consumption has decreased drastically because it takes too much energy.  Also, if I had a choice I would have gone with the Blue Moon Pumpkin Harvest over the Miller Lite.

The Accident Prone Josephine

Jo is the poster child for those stupid bumper pads you can put around coffee tables.  Actually, she would probably do well in a completely padded home.  For the third time this week Josephine has busted her lip open.  It would seem as if her face keeps getting in the way of the floor and bed frames.  This comes a week after her forehead kept hitting the corner of walls producing straight-lined bruises (twice that happened).  I really can't explain how it is she continues to maim herself in the most unlikely of scenarios other than she is her father's daughter and comes by it honestly (lest we forget the winter of 2010 when Marcus fractured his skull and broke his collar bone in a 6 week time span).

Prior to the last two weeks of injuries Josephine has already taken a nasty fall down the stairs.  That produced a goose egg, black eye, and a trip to Patient First.  Her sister has also been the cause of some accidents, most recently when Alex mowed Jo down in a should-have-seen-it-coming Radio Flyer car and ramp incident.  The product of that was road rash, a bloody upper lip, and another black eye (on the same side of the face even, her left).  The very first serious injury she received was around 6 months of age when she did a surprise leap out of her daddy's lap and over the side arm of a chair.  We kept our eye on her for the remainder of the day but she seemed fine.  There are also the numerous times Jo has either fallen down or been pushed and smacked the back of her head on the floor.  If she suffers from Alzheimer's in her old age too many blows to the head will be the root cause I'm sure.

I am a little more than concerned about what the future holds for Josephine and whether our BFFs will eventually be the ER staff if she continues down this path of toddler self-destruction.

Issues

I really do not like being a stay-at-home mom.  I dislike it greatly.  I can go so far as to say that I hate it.  I hate that day in and day out is spent changing diapers, constantly feeding bottomless pits, dealing with tantrums, and feeling like a failure when I inevitably lose my cool.  How am I supposed to be raising stellar members of society when I can barely keep it together to act as the model of one?  I can barely look at the girls sometimes because I'm either unhappy with them or severely unhappy with myself as their mother.

I hate that we live as far away from family and friends as we do.  When I'm feeling like I do today I have no one to call on to come give me a break.  I haven't made any friends down here because I just don't have it in me.

I hate that I no longer have my own source of income and have to rely on my husband to support the family.  Somewhere, in the efforts of women to become so equal amongst men we have done ourselves a huge disservice because it seems no matter which direction a woman chooses when it comes to her family life it's never good enough.  If you're a working mom you're not good enough because you aren't raising your babies and instead relying on day care and other types of care to raise your children.  If you're a stay-at-home mom you're not good enough because women should be equal in the work force and if men can work and have families so can women.  For me personally, this feminist bullsh*t has created a lot of inner turmoil and I can't imagine I'm the only one.

I am stressed, tired, and unhappy.  Something has to give.

Aftermath of Halloween 2013

So, we managed to only scar one of our children this Halloween.  That should score us a few extra parenting points, right?  Alexandra was more than a little intimidated by the scary masks that were showing up at our door but we convinced her they weren't "bad" guys and were actually "good" guys in disguise.  I'll let you know how that affects her little psyche in the next few years.

Josephine on the other hand seemed to struggle with the scary masks a little more.  She was visibly frightened by one of the trick-or-treaters and later, around 3:00 in the morning, was awake and screaming from what I am sure was a nightmare.  The biggest problem with Jo's screams are she could literally wake the dead and so, instead of letting it go like I normally would, I went to try and console her.  The biggest problem here is not the mixed signals I'm sending by going to her on occasion when she cries at night but rather that I'm not her daddy.  So, being that I am not the daddy the little stinker decided she was having none of that and wiggled out of my lap, making a beeline through the dark towards Marcus.

I know some of you might be wondering how I can't seem to keep a 1 year old in my lap but, let's be honest, at 3:00 in the morning I have very little fight in me and when Josephine sets her mind to something she doesn't give up and will throw all 23 pounds of her body in ways that are Hulk-like.  Needless to say all 3 of us were essentially awake for the rest of the night as we went from Josephine trying to get comfortable in our bed to me trying to get Josephine to go back to sleep in her own bed.  Trying to share a bed with a baby is just pure insanity and the only way it might be conceivable is if the entire room were a mattress.

Anyway, this is all to say that Josephine will probably live the rest of her life in constant fear of Halloween and...hold everything.  24 hours later and Alexandra just woke up crying and screaming.  I don't think even Freud could handle this one.  Marcus and Lauren = 0, Parenting = 2.   

Happy 1st Birthday, Josephine!

I thought time went by quickly when Alex all of a sudden turned 1 and then 2.  Now, my JoJo is turning 1 and I really cannot believe it.  I remember during my pregnancy the guilt I felt about making Alex step aside and allow a new member into our family, in a way pushing her out of the way.  But now I see that Jo is the Ying to Alex's Yang...or maybe it's the other way around.  Alex is strong willed (we'll just go with that).  Jo is strong willed also but she does it with a smile on her face.  While Alex got my quick temper and frustration Jo got my sense of humor.  As I told Marcus one day when we were riding in the car and only Jo was responding to my silly faces "She gets me."

So, in honor of the tiniest Tepaske here are some stats about Josephine Margaret:

1. Her nicknames include:  The JoJonator (my favorite), Silly Goose, Joge, Joes, Gorgeous (or should that be "Jorgeous," ha!), and JoJoes.  None are particularly original though I am found of The JoJonator.
2. She can stack rings like nobody's business and is working on shape sorting and oversized puzzles.
3. She's been walking since she was about 10 months old so she's practically running now...at least her waddle has gotten faster particularly when she's grabbed something she knows she shouldn't have.
4. She likes to dance by bouncing up and down and turning in circles until she falls.
5. She can repeat "Mama," "Dada," "Baba," and "Haha."  No real words yet though she does babble quite a bit.
6. She eats like a champ and as of today gets her one night time bottle of milk.  No more breast milk/formula for us for the rest of our lives (yes, that means what you think it means)!  Huzzah for us!
7. She loves to give hugs and kisses but she'll hold it against you if you've been gone all day and deny you either one of those.  She still loves to snuggle.
8. She loves to do whatever her big sister is doing which is a good and a bad thing.
9. She thinks whatever she does is funny.  For example, she'll go in the kitchen and put a colander on her head and stand there laughing until someone laughs with her (which we do).
10. She loves everyone in her family and quickly warms up to people she may not see often.

Her physical stats are: Height 31 inches and weight 22.8 pounds.


Happy 1st Birthday, JoJonator!

Shower Time

For a fleeting moment this morning I was the most brilliant mother in the world.  So brilliant they would be talking about me for ages.  Then, reality struck and I was back to being annoyed and screamy.

You see, I have a hard time determining the best time to take a shower.  Nighttime is optimal but I hate taking showers at night because I wake-up feeling dirty (take that as you will).  Besides, I started running again so that necessitates a morning shower.  I could wait just a few hours after the run and take a shower during the girls' naptime but I'm in school full-time and need that full 15 minutes of pure bliss for studying (aka a nap).

Now, the biggest part of taking a shower after a run is what to do with the girls.  Alex is pretty well-behaved on her own for the most part (this does not include yesterday when she got a hold of the permanent marker and inked herself and her sister up) and I don't mind if she's not in the bathroom with me.  Jo, on the other hand, I don't trust as far as I can throw her and that's not very far because she's quite the chunket.  For starters she likes to stand at the shower ripping the curtain back, filling the floor with water, then subsequently falling because she slips.  This is when she's not finding random things to throw in the tub with me like stuffed animals and wooden toys that could impale me if I slipped and fell in a freak accident.  In all it makes for a less than luxurious shower experience.

Today, however, I had a brilliant idea.  I would take the gate from the bottom of the stairs and prop it against the door to the closet which connects to the bathroom.  That way the girls could play in there and I could take a shower completely kid free and worry free.

Fool.  Oh, silly, silly fool.  I got about half-way through when things started to go wrong.  First, Alex was taking all of my shoes and throwing them over the gate into the bathroom.  Whatever, that was bound to happen.  Then, she figured out she could get through the gate and leave her sister on the other side, essentially taunting her.  Jo, of course did not take kindly to this and stood on the other side crying her banshee cry.  During this time Alex was going back and forth between the bathroom and closet when finally, I heard the inevitable crashing of the gate as it fell to the floor.  My head dropped, defeated.  I just wanted to take a f***ing shower.  Just a mother f****ing shower.  It had been two days since I took one.  I really needed it and all I wanted to do was take it without having to hold onto the shower curtain and shave my legs at the same time.

"Out!" I yelled at Alex, "Get out!  Just go!"  By this point Jo had crawled onto the gate and was making her way out ready for her shower reign rain of terror to start.  Instead, because I didn't care anymore, I told Alex to open the bathroom door and let them both go, out into the house.  A few minutes later and I realized my grievous error.  I had taken the gate from the bottom of the steps, meaning Jo would see her chance to climb the stairs and fall and break her neck laugh in the face of danger once she reached the top.  Freaking A.  I jumped out of the shower, grabbed the useless gate and ran into the living room hoping none of the neighbors had a pair of binoculars trained on the window of the living room (What?  I like to think of myself as potential MILF material).

So, here I sit.  Defeated and deflated.  Maybe one day I'll have it all figured out.  Or, at least the shower part.  I won't be so bold as to state that one day I'll have it all figured out because that is certainly foolish.

Things That Have Happened On My Watch While Marcus Is Away

While Marcus has been on travel for the last month I have been keeping my girls alive.  I'm not sure how but somehow they both are still breathing though not without their fair share of bumps and bruises and, perhaps, nicotine addictions.

Just today I was showing Alex how to hula hoop with a weighted hula hoop (the kind with water in it...for whatever reason).  She apparently was entranced by the prowess that is my hula hooping as she walked right into it, head first.  A few minutes later and I'm wondering what the heck she did to her head when I was politely reminded of that one time when I hula hooped into my daughter's face.

Last night Josephine did a full-on face plant after falling off the bed.  I went to grab her as it happened but to no avail.  It sounded painful and I'm sure it was because she did a very long silent wail before letting out the big one.

Still though, I'm not sure that's better or worse than the cigarette butt she put in her mouth tonight.  Yeah.  That happened.  On my watch.  And it was a nasty cigarette butt, too.  Not fresh, clearly been outside for a while.  After getting it away from her she shivered as the horrid taste surely hit her.

Marcus comes home in less than a week and none too soon if you ask me.  Here's hoping both girls have all appendages and various other body parts accounted for by the time he gets back.