Dear Husband,
If you do not have a youngest daughter by the time you get home from work do not be surprised. She would not, WOULD NOT, get out of bed until after 8 this morning. Although, to her credit, she was technically the first of the children out of bed when she briefly got out to scream and writhe around on the floor because I turned on the little lamp. Once her stance on morning lighting was thoroughly discussed she got back into bed, stuffing herself and all of her lovies as far under the covers as possible. I was set to let her ride in the car wearing pajamas but, eventually, she did get out of bed and got herself dressed. There was a slight issue with her cowgirl boots being 1/4 of an inch unzipped which led to them being taken away completely. After she got over the loss of the boots, she made her way to the breakfast table where her attitude slightly changed upon seeing the delicious donut her older sister was eating. She came thisclose to not getting a donut. The ride to and from dropping off her sister at school was fairly uneventful. However, upon returning home, she refused to get out of the car because I killed a spider with her rain boot and she wanted to do it with her bare hands. At the moment, TV is not an option and so she is going around finding things that she thinks will bother me. For example, she yells "I'm going to mess this up!" and she moves the pumpkins on the fireplace around. Currently, she has put herself in her room so I will sit here while I can and sip my coffee and eat my own donut.
Love,
Your Wife Who Will Be Running Away Soon
Showing posts with label JoJo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label JoJo. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Sick Babies
Both kiddos have been sick lately and as such have come to expect certain pleasantries like vaporub on their backs, extra love and attention, and a coveted spot in bed with mommy. Also, as it just so happens, it seems like every time the girls are sick Marcus is on travel and therefore I'm left alone running between bathrooms trying to take temperatures and provide medicine without cross contamination.
I don't usually let the girls sleep with me but when they're sick it's just easier to take care of them as they wake constantly and cry for me. Alex was in bed with me for a few days, down with a fever, followed closely by Jo who developed a high fever and runny nose. Despite having only been sick for one night by the time Marcus was back home, Jo must have grown accustomed to her new status as co-sleeper in mommy's bed because at dinner the night Marcus came home she asked "Is daddy going to sleep in our bed?"
As it just so happens, later that night daddy slept in Jo's bed and she came into bed with me.
I don't usually let the girls sleep with me but when they're sick it's just easier to take care of them as they wake constantly and cry for me. Alex was in bed with me for a few days, down with a fever, followed closely by Jo who developed a high fever and runny nose. Despite having only been sick for one night by the time Marcus was back home, Jo must have grown accustomed to her new status as co-sleeper in mommy's bed because at dinner the night Marcus came home she asked "Is daddy going to sleep in our bed?"
As it just so happens, later that night daddy slept in Jo's bed and she came into bed with me.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Anatomy 101
The following few phrases have literally left my lips:
"Ladies, please stop spreading each other's butt cheeks."
"That's enough with kissing each other's butts."
"Jo, if your vagina were green we would have serious problems." (I'm fairly certain this comes from her confusing the color red and green)
"Don't put your hand in your butt at the dinner table, sweetie."
"Wait, where did you say you were going to put that? No, do not put that in your butt. We do not put things in our butts."
Obviously, anatomy is a large part of our day.
"Ladies, please stop spreading each other's butt cheeks."
"That's enough with kissing each other's butts."
"Jo, if your vagina were green we would have serious problems." (I'm fairly certain this comes from her confusing the color red and green)
"Don't put your hand in your butt at the dinner table, sweetie."
"Wait, where did you say you were going to put that? No, do not put that in your butt. We do not put things in our butts."
Obviously, anatomy is a large part of our day.
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Sinterklaas
Given the fact that the girls are 50% Dutch (with a smattering of many other European ethnicities thanks to my genes) we were encouraged to practice the Dutch tradition of Sinterklaas. Marcus vaguely recalls Sinterklaas visiting when he was a child but I'm not entirely sure this is an actual Tepaske tradition because, also according to Marcus, he was a saint as a child.
Anyway, I started talking to the girls about who Sinterklaas was (though did not include information about Zwarte Piet which apparently wasn't such a bad idea since he is apparently a figure of consternation for everyone else except the Dutch people). This proved to be a challenge mostly because Alexandra is in her question everything stage. I was forced to hit such hard-hitting questions such as:
Alexandra: "Where does Sinterklaas live?"
Me: "He lives with Santa Claus in the North Pole."
Followed by my personal favorite:
Alexandra: "Is he Santa Claus's husband?"
Me: "No, he's his cousin."
Alexandra: "Does he have a car?"
Me: "No, he has a horse, which is way cooler."
Alexandra: "Yeah."
Alexandra: "Is he coming to our house?"
Me: "He's going to visit us tomorrow night and leave little gifts in your wooden shoes."
Josephine then interjected with: "I don't like him, Sinterklaas, no." (We're working on sentence structure)
Alexandra: "What color is his hair?" "White." "What color are his gloves?" "Purple." "What color is his cape?" "Red." "What color is his horse?" "White." (This is while we color a picture of Sinterklaas on his horse, Amerigo. Also, to note, the only reason I even knew the answer to any of these questions is I had to Google it...hence the reason I know the horse's name)
The conversation dwindled from there as we finished working on our Sinterklaas coloring pages.
This morning the girls woke up though didn't immediately think of Sinterklaas. We finally pointed out that he had visited us after they had breakfast and they opened the little gifts that were left in their wooden clogs. In the end, I think Alexandra is less enamored with Sinterklaas though is thoroughly excited about Santa Claus's visit as she's just beginning to realize exactly what Christmas entails (read: PRESENTS!), and Josephine is harboring major anxiety over the thought of a strange man lurking through the house despite the fact he's leaving PRESENTS!
Anyway, I started talking to the girls about who Sinterklaas was (though did not include information about Zwarte Piet which apparently wasn't such a bad idea since he is apparently a figure of consternation for everyone else except the Dutch people). This proved to be a challenge mostly because Alexandra is in her question everything stage. I was forced to hit such hard-hitting questions such as:
Alexandra: "Where does Sinterklaas live?"
Me: "He lives with Santa Claus in the North Pole."
Followed by my personal favorite:
Alexandra: "Is he Santa Claus's husband?"
Me: "No, he's his cousin."
Alexandra: "Does he have a car?"
Me: "No, he has a horse, which is way cooler."
Alexandra: "Yeah."
Alexandra: "Is he coming to our house?"
Me: "He's going to visit us tomorrow night and leave little gifts in your wooden shoes."
Josephine then interjected with: "I don't like him, Sinterklaas, no." (We're working on sentence structure)
Alexandra: "What color is his hair?" "White." "What color are his gloves?" "Purple." "What color is his cape?" "Red." "What color is his horse?" "White." (This is while we color a picture of Sinterklaas on his horse, Amerigo. Also, to note, the only reason I even knew the answer to any of these questions is I had to Google it...hence the reason I know the horse's name)
The conversation dwindled from there as we finished working on our Sinterklaas coloring pages.
This morning the girls woke up though didn't immediately think of Sinterklaas. We finally pointed out that he had visited us after they had breakfast and they opened the little gifts that were left in their wooden clogs. In the end, I think Alexandra is less enamored with Sinterklaas though is thoroughly excited about Santa Claus's visit as she's just beginning to realize exactly what Christmas entails (read: PRESENTS!), and Josephine is harboring major anxiety over the thought of a strange man lurking through the house despite the fact he's leaving PRESENTS!
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| Sinterklaas visits the Tepaske's |
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Josephine is Two!
Poor, Jo. She turned two over ten days ago and I'm just now getting around to writing a little something about her crazy butt. In my defense we've been on the go, traveling to Boston and back, and time has just simply gotten away from me.
So, where to start. Josephine. She is something. She is strong-willed, loving, silly, weirdly aggressive, and growing up way too fast. Her sentences consist of at least four words and she can clearly verbalize what she wants in either a normal tone of voice or by screaming as she is more likely to do. She loves dogs but is scared to death when they get too close. She is also still in the throes of "stranger danger" and has been for a very long time. While she exudes confidence the minute she thinks we're abandoning her she becomes a mess. We have noticed a small change in that it takes about five minutes for her to get over it rather than 50 so that's promising.
Josephine will only do what Josephine wants to do though, with a little bargaining, she generally comes around. Time-outs are a daily threat for her and she's beginning to realize that there are times when mommy means business. Naturally, I understand this is also a stage of toddlerhood but she has a little more emphasis behind her stubbornness than Alex ever did.
She loves her big sister. Anything Alex does Jo does. She wants to be next to her at all times and often, after she wakes from her nap, the first thing she wants to know is where her sissy is. They do get along very well, though have their fair share of fights as any couple would. This afternoon, for example, Jo was particularly upset about something only she knows and I asked Alex to fetch Jo from where I had left her on the side of the house. Less than a minute later they come around the corner, hand in hand, Jo with slight tears in her eyes but overall happy again. That is all I can ask for as they grow; I wish this helping and caring relationship continues through the rest of their lives.
Josephine is silly. Much sillier than Alex. I tend to think of Alex as my "old soul." She's more serious than most three-year-olds and her silly behavior sometimes comes across as forced. Jo, on the other hand, she commands an audience for her antics and makes sure all are paying attention. She eats doughnuts with her feet (something I allowed because we were at the beginning of a ten hour car ride), does interpretive dancing to any song, likes to make silly faces, sings along to songs, and overall loves to be the center of attention.
She is also strangely aggressive and often gets a wild eyed look as she's strangling me or wiping my face or "braiding" my hair. Seriously. I think she's out to get me and the look that crosses her face, as it changes from a loving little girl to possessed toddler, tells me as much.
Josephine is also a lot more girly than Alex. She likes baby dolls, dressing-up, stuffed animals, and clothes and shoes. She actually likes for me to do her hair, often asking that I braid it which is impossible yet I pretend as if I've done so...not sure how long I'll be able to pull that off. She also recognizes Gap packages and quickly starts undressing in order to try on the new clothes.
In all it would be a lonely life without Josephine. It would also be a quieter life but that's not such a big deal. She's the perfect match for her big sissy and the perfect ending to our family.
So, where to start. Josephine. She is something. She is strong-willed, loving, silly, weirdly aggressive, and growing up way too fast. Her sentences consist of at least four words and she can clearly verbalize what she wants in either a normal tone of voice or by screaming as she is more likely to do. She loves dogs but is scared to death when they get too close. She is also still in the throes of "stranger danger" and has been for a very long time. While she exudes confidence the minute she thinks we're abandoning her she becomes a mess. We have noticed a small change in that it takes about five minutes for her to get over it rather than 50 so that's promising.
Josephine will only do what Josephine wants to do though, with a little bargaining, she generally comes around. Time-outs are a daily threat for her and she's beginning to realize that there are times when mommy means business. Naturally, I understand this is also a stage of toddlerhood but she has a little more emphasis behind her stubbornness than Alex ever did.
She loves her big sister. Anything Alex does Jo does. She wants to be next to her at all times and often, after she wakes from her nap, the first thing she wants to know is where her sissy is. They do get along very well, though have their fair share of fights as any couple would. This afternoon, for example, Jo was particularly upset about something only she knows and I asked Alex to fetch Jo from where I had left her on the side of the house. Less than a minute later they come around the corner, hand in hand, Jo with slight tears in her eyes but overall happy again. That is all I can ask for as they grow; I wish this helping and caring relationship continues through the rest of their lives.
Josephine is silly. Much sillier than Alex. I tend to think of Alex as my "old soul." She's more serious than most three-year-olds and her silly behavior sometimes comes across as forced. Jo, on the other hand, she commands an audience for her antics and makes sure all are paying attention. She eats doughnuts with her feet (something I allowed because we were at the beginning of a ten hour car ride), does interpretive dancing to any song, likes to make silly faces, sings along to songs, and overall loves to be the center of attention.
She is also strangely aggressive and often gets a wild eyed look as she's strangling me or wiping my face or "braiding" my hair. Seriously. I think she's out to get me and the look that crosses her face, as it changes from a loving little girl to possessed toddler, tells me as much.
Josephine is also a lot more girly than Alex. She likes baby dolls, dressing-up, stuffed animals, and clothes and shoes. She actually likes for me to do her hair, often asking that I braid it which is impossible yet I pretend as if I've done so...not sure how long I'll be able to pull that off. She also recognizes Gap packages and quickly starts undressing in order to try on the new clothes.
In all it would be a lonely life without Josephine. It would also be a quieter life but that's not such a big deal. She's the perfect match for her big sissy and the perfect ending to our family.
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| Our little goofball |
Saturday, July 5, 2014
How To Take A Picture Tepaske Style
I don't know who the folks are that have children who willingly smile for the camera. Mine are not such children. They're the worst when it comes to taking pictures and it generally involves taking about 200 in order to get just one worthy of viewing and sharing. As a testament to this I present to you the chain of events leading-up to a relatively nice picture in this household:
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| Step 1: Add unwilling children. |
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| Step 2: Attempt to exert some control by demanding children sit down. |
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| Step 3: Wait while cameraman takes an unflattering picture of you as the children do everything in their power not to look at the camera.
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| Step 5 (continued from Step 4): ...add a delightful hairpiece. |
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| Step 6: Once children have been seated with an object to encourage them to behave (in this case a lighter and silly string...work with what you've got), have one of the subjects point to the camera just in case the children missed the point of the entire exercise. |
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| Step 7: Warning: The alpha female's role may be usurped by a lesser female of the pack. Refrain from making eye contact or smiling in an effort to discourage this type of behavior. This is not an example of such.
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Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Mommy Isn't Fat
I had a "kids say the darndest things" moment today. As Josephine, Alexandra, and I lounged around in bed early this morning Josephine touched my belly and said "baby." Uh...a few thoughts entered my mind, jumbling around: "God Almighty, I hope she's wrong...wait a minute, how does she know baby's come from mommy's tummies?...Damnit, I need to start running again...I knew I shouldn't have had those last 5 bags of Cadbury mini-eggs."
Anyway, I don't know where she got the idea that a baby can be in a tummy. Either she's clairvoyant (which I hope she isn't because of the social stigma) or she's pointing out that mommy is getting a little chubby. Regardless, it couldn't have been a better boost to starting my running routine again. Tomorrow. If not tomorrow then definitely Friday. Saturday at the latest.
Update, 4/6/2014: Josephine touched Marcus's belly and said "baby" this evening. She's not clairvoyant!
Anyway, I don't know where she got the idea that a baby can be in a tummy. Either she's clairvoyant (which I hope she isn't because of the social stigma) or she's pointing out that mommy is getting a little chubby. Regardless, it couldn't have been a better boost to starting my running routine again. Tomorrow. If not tomorrow then definitely Friday. Saturday at the latest.
Update, 4/6/2014: Josephine touched Marcus's belly and said "baby" this evening. She's not clairvoyant!
Thursday, March 6, 2014
A Brief Glimpse Of Florida
We recently returned from a very nice family vacation in Florida. We unintentionally took Alex to the Magic Kingdom for her 3rd birthday (unintentional because it was a last minute decision that just so happened to correspond with her birthday); ventured around some sort of aquatic preserve that thankfully we got in for free because I can't see how they can possibly justify the $12 price tag; and took the girls to the Jacksonville Zoo which was just amazing.
The house we stayed in was amazing as well and had a pool with hot tub facing the green of a golf course. I was more than a little anxious the first day we were there when Marcus opened the sliding glass door and both girls began flitting about the outskirts of the pool. Josephine is a proficient walker but she made me so nervous with her sometimes wobbly steps and propensity for falling. "Marcus, isn't she making you nervous, she's making me super nervous!" I said to which he replied "If she falls in I'll go in after her." At this point I decided it was best for my anxiety and blood pressure to go back into the house because standing around waiting for the inevitable was killing me. And, yes, the inevitable did happen. Not but a few minutes after walking into the house a soaking Josephine and half soaking Marcus were standing at the door asking for a towel. At least, as Marcus's brother pointed out, Marcus did what he said he would and rescued her. Yeah.
Another aspect of the house was the girls slept slightly farther away from us without the aid of a monitor. We figured if anything happened we would certainly hear them crying and boy, did we. On the second night, the entire house awoke to screams of panic: "MOMMY! DADDY!! DADDY!!!!" accompanied by blood curdling screams. Upon first waking I thought it was our nephew who is 9 months old. Then, I thought it was Josephine at which point I was ready to completely ignore her. Then, I thought, wow, Jo sure can enunciate "mommy" and "daddy" really well all of a sudden. It was at that point I realized it was Alexandra. (In my defense, it's so uncharacteristic of Alex to wake like this it truly took me by surprise...and especially in the middle of the night.) Anyway, I imagine Marcus went through the same mental process because once he figured out it was Alex he bolted out of bed and went running. Apparently she had either falling into/sleepwalked/we really don't know what the hell she did but she had made her way into Jo's pack-and-play which was right next to the king size bed Alex was occupying. King size bed. How the hell did she manage to get herself into a position that eventually found her in Jo's tiny a$$ pack-and-play? It would be like me walking through a pair of open double doors but managing to still walk into the door jamb (or something like that). Despite her distress, and I felt really bad when I did, but I laughed.
Overall, the experience was great. Alexandra, who has a propensity for going berserk (i.e. have complete, and total breakdowns at the drop of a hat) in new settings, was able to keep it in check until the last day or two of our stay. Josephine seemed to enjoy herself and had only one or two meltdowns that I can recall. Believe it or not, I'll call that a success!
The house we stayed in was amazing as well and had a pool with hot tub facing the green of a golf course. I was more than a little anxious the first day we were there when Marcus opened the sliding glass door and both girls began flitting about the outskirts of the pool. Josephine is a proficient walker but she made me so nervous with her sometimes wobbly steps and propensity for falling. "Marcus, isn't she making you nervous, she's making me super nervous!" I said to which he replied "If she falls in I'll go in after her." At this point I decided it was best for my anxiety and blood pressure to go back into the house because standing around waiting for the inevitable was killing me. And, yes, the inevitable did happen. Not but a few minutes after walking into the house a soaking Josephine and half soaking Marcus were standing at the door asking for a towel. At least, as Marcus's brother pointed out, Marcus did what he said he would and rescued her. Yeah.
Another aspect of the house was the girls slept slightly farther away from us without the aid of a monitor. We figured if anything happened we would certainly hear them crying and boy, did we. On the second night, the entire house awoke to screams of panic: "MOMMY! DADDY!! DADDY!!!!" accompanied by blood curdling screams. Upon first waking I thought it was our nephew who is 9 months old. Then, I thought it was Josephine at which point I was ready to completely ignore her. Then, I thought, wow, Jo sure can enunciate "mommy" and "daddy" really well all of a sudden. It was at that point I realized it was Alexandra. (In my defense, it's so uncharacteristic of Alex to wake like this it truly took me by surprise...and especially in the middle of the night.) Anyway, I imagine Marcus went through the same mental process because once he figured out it was Alex he bolted out of bed and went running. Apparently she had either falling into/sleepwalked/we really don't know what the hell she did but she had made her way into Jo's pack-and-play which was right next to the king size bed Alex was occupying. King size bed. How the hell did she manage to get herself into a position that eventually found her in Jo's tiny a$$ pack-and-play? It would be like me walking through a pair of open double doors but managing to still walk into the door jamb (or something like that). Despite her distress, and I felt really bad when I did, but I laughed.
Overall, the experience was great. Alexandra, who has a propensity for going berserk (i.e. have complete, and total breakdowns at the drop of a hat) in new settings, was able to keep it in check until the last day or two of our stay. Josephine seemed to enjoy herself and had only one or two meltdowns that I can recall. Believe it or not, I'll call that a success!
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Arts And Crafts Are Dumb
Let me just preface this by saying I am not a crafty person. I try to be but the fact is I don't have extra googly eyes, pipe cleaners, or batting lying around the house all of which appear to be prerequisites before starting any arts and crafts project. So, when I do feel like an arts and crafts project is in order for the day it takes a lot of energy out of me because I have to improvise with what I have. Plus, like I said before, I am not a crafty person. I feel like the World's Best Mother just on the days that I break out the crayons so actually executing a real, honest to goodness project is the frickin' Nobel Prize for Mothers in my world.
Another hindrance to arts and crafts projects are the children for which said arts and crafts projects are designed for. Particularly my children. Take today for instance. I found online a cute design for a turkey using the hands and feet of the girls (not their literal hands and feet though at this point I'd say as long as they're participating who cares). So, I take Jo first and trace her foot. For a 1 year old she did remarkably well. Then it's Alex's turn. She refuses, I mean absolutely refuses to the point of tears, to let me trace her f****ing foot. What the f***. I don't know if she thought I was going to stab her foot with the pencil or if she thought her foot would fall off...I really don't know what was going on in her mind but, as per usual, I lost my sh*t and am now sitting here writing this post.
In my attempt to make the girl's day just a little more fun than average I have been thwarted and turned what was a pretty good day into a slightly sucky one. So, here I am, stewing over the whole thing and finishing the project by myself. If Alex and Jo ever say that their mom never did any fun arts and crafts projects with them I'll refer them to this post.
Another hindrance to arts and crafts projects are the children for which said arts and crafts projects are designed for. Particularly my children. Take today for instance. I found online a cute design for a turkey using the hands and feet of the girls (not their literal hands and feet though at this point I'd say as long as they're participating who cares). So, I take Jo first and trace her foot. For a 1 year old she did remarkably well. Then it's Alex's turn. She refuses, I mean absolutely refuses to the point of tears, to let me trace her f****ing foot. What the f***. I don't know if she thought I was going to stab her foot with the pencil or if she thought her foot would fall off...I really don't know what was going on in her mind but, as per usual, I lost my sh*t and am now sitting here writing this post.
In my attempt to make the girl's day just a little more fun than average I have been thwarted and turned what was a pretty good day into a slightly sucky one. So, here I am, stewing over the whole thing and finishing the project by myself. If Alex and Jo ever say that their mom never did any fun arts and crafts projects with them I'll refer them to this post.
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| Let's just call it like it is. This is MY stupid arts and crafts project. |
Thursday, November 7, 2013
The Accident Prone Josephine
Jo is the poster child for those stupid bumper pads you can put around coffee tables. Actually, she would probably do well in a completely padded home. For the third time this week Josephine has busted her lip open. It would seem as if her face keeps getting in the way of the floor and bed frames. This comes a week after her forehead kept hitting the corner of walls producing straight-lined bruises (twice that happened). I really can't explain how it is she continues to maim herself in the most unlikely of scenarios other than she is her father's daughter and comes by it honestly (lest we forget the winter of 2010 when Marcus fractured his skull and broke his collar bone in a 6 week time span).
Prior to the last two weeks of injuries Josephine has already taken a nasty fall down the stairs. That produced a goose egg, black eye, and a trip to Patient First. Her sister has also been the cause of some accidents, most recently when Alex mowed Jo down in a should-have-seen-it-coming Radio Flyer car and ramp incident. The product of that was road rash, a bloody upper lip, and another black eye (on the same side of the face even, her left). The very first serious injury she received was around 6 months of age when she did a surprise leap out of her daddy's lap and over the side arm of a chair. We kept our eye on her for the remainder of the day but she seemed fine. There are also the numerous times Jo has either fallen down or been pushed and smacked the back of her head on the floor. If she suffers from Alzheimer's in her old age too many blows to the head will be the root cause I'm sure.
I am a little more than concerned about what the future holds for Josephine and whether our BFFs will eventually be the ER staff if she continues down this path of toddler self-destruction.
Prior to the last two weeks of injuries Josephine has already taken a nasty fall down the stairs. That produced a goose egg, black eye, and a trip to Patient First. Her sister has also been the cause of some accidents, most recently when Alex mowed Jo down in a should-have-seen-it-coming Radio Flyer car and ramp incident. The product of that was road rash, a bloody upper lip, and another black eye (on the same side of the face even, her left). The very first serious injury she received was around 6 months of age when she did a surprise leap out of her daddy's lap and over the side arm of a chair. We kept our eye on her for the remainder of the day but she seemed fine. There are also the numerous times Jo has either fallen down or been pushed and smacked the back of her head on the floor. If she suffers from Alzheimer's in her old age too many blows to the head will be the root cause I'm sure.
I am a little more than concerned about what the future holds for Josephine and whether our BFFs will eventually be the ER staff if she continues down this path of toddler self-destruction.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Aftermath of Halloween 2013
So, we managed to only scar one of our children this Halloween. That should score us a few extra parenting points, right? Alexandra was more than a little intimidated by the scary masks that were showing up at our door but we convinced her they weren't "bad" guys and were actually "good" guys in disguise. I'll let you know how that affects her little psyche in the next few years.
Josephine on the other hand seemed to struggle with the scary masks a little more. She was visibly frightened by one of the trick-or-treaters and later, around 3:00 in the morning, was awake and screaming from what I am sure was a nightmare. The biggest problem with Jo's screams are she could literally wake the dead and so, instead of letting it go like I normally would, I went to try and console her. The biggest problem here is not the mixed signals I'm sending by going to her on occasion when she cries at night but rather that I'm not her daddy. So, being that I am not the daddy the little stinker decided she was having none of that and wiggled out of my lap, making a beeline through the dark towards Marcus.
I know some of you might be wondering how I can't seem to keep a 1 year old in my lap but, let's be honest, at 3:00 in the morning I have very little fight in me and when Josephine sets her mind to something she doesn't give up and will throw all 23 pounds of her body in ways that are Hulk-like. Needless to say all 3 of us were essentially awake for the rest of the night as we went from Josephine trying to get comfortable in our bed to me trying to get Josephine to go back to sleep in her own bed. Trying to share a bed with a baby is just pure insanity and the only way it might be conceivable is if the entire room were a mattress.
Anyway, this is all to say that Josephine will probably live the rest of her life in constant fear of Halloween and...hold everything. 24 hours later and Alexandra just woke up crying and screaming. I don't think even Freud could handle this one. Marcus and Lauren = 0, Parenting = 2.
Josephine on the other hand seemed to struggle with the scary masks a little more. She was visibly frightened by one of the trick-or-treaters and later, around 3:00 in the morning, was awake and screaming from what I am sure was a nightmare. The biggest problem with Jo's screams are she could literally wake the dead and so, instead of letting it go like I normally would, I went to try and console her. The biggest problem here is not the mixed signals I'm sending by going to her on occasion when she cries at night but rather that I'm not her daddy. So, being that I am not the daddy the little stinker decided she was having none of that and wiggled out of my lap, making a beeline through the dark towards Marcus.
I know some of you might be wondering how I can't seem to keep a 1 year old in my lap but, let's be honest, at 3:00 in the morning I have very little fight in me and when Josephine sets her mind to something she doesn't give up and will throw all 23 pounds of her body in ways that are Hulk-like. Needless to say all 3 of us were essentially awake for the rest of the night as we went from Josephine trying to get comfortable in our bed to me trying to get Josephine to go back to sleep in her own bed. Trying to share a bed with a baby is just pure insanity and the only way it might be conceivable is if the entire room were a mattress.
Anyway, this is all to say that Josephine will probably live the rest of her life in constant fear of Halloween and...hold everything. 24 hours later and Alexandra just woke up crying and screaming. I don't think even Freud could handle this one. Marcus and Lauren = 0, Parenting = 2.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Happy 1st Birthday, Josephine!
I thought time went by quickly when Alex all of a sudden turned 1 and then 2. Now, my JoJo is turning 1 and I really cannot believe it. I remember during my pregnancy the guilt I felt about making Alex step aside and allow a new member into our family, in a way pushing her out of the way. But now I see that Jo is the Ying to Alex's Yang...or maybe it's the other way around. Alex is strong willed (we'll just go with that). Jo is strong willed also but she does it with a smile on her face. While Alex got my quick temper and frustration Jo got my sense of humor. As I told Marcus one day when we were riding in the car and only Jo was responding to my silly faces "She gets me."
So, in honor of the tiniest Tepaske here are some stats about Josephine Margaret:
1. Her nicknames include: The JoJonator (my favorite), Silly Goose, Joge, Joes, Gorgeous (or should that be "Jorgeous," ha!), and JoJoes. None are particularly original though I am found of The JoJonator.
2. She can stack rings like nobody's business and is working on shape sorting and oversized puzzles.
3. She's been walking since she was about 10 months old so she's practically running now...at least her waddle has gotten faster particularly when she's grabbed something she knows she shouldn't have.
4. She likes to dance by bouncing up and down and turning in circles until she falls.
5. She can repeat "Mama," "Dada," "Baba," and "Haha." No real words yet though she does babble quite a bit.
6. She eats like a champ and as of today gets her one night time bottle of milk. No more breast milk/formula for us for the rest of our lives (yes, that means what you think it means)! Huzzah for us!
7. She loves to give hugs and kisses but she'll hold it against you if you've been gone all day and deny you either one of those. She still loves to snuggle.
8. She loves to do whatever her big sister is doing which is a good and a bad thing.
9. She thinks whatever she does is funny. For example, she'll go in the kitchen and put a colander on her head and stand there laughing until someone laughs with her (which we do).
10. She loves everyone in her family and quickly warms up to people she may not see often.
Her physical stats are: Height 31 inches and weight 22.8 pounds.
So, in honor of the tiniest Tepaske here are some stats about Josephine Margaret:
1. Her nicknames include: The JoJonator (my favorite), Silly Goose, Joge, Joes, Gorgeous (or should that be "Jorgeous," ha!), and JoJoes. None are particularly original though I am found of The JoJonator.
2. She can stack rings like nobody's business and is working on shape sorting and oversized puzzles.
3. She's been walking since she was about 10 months old so she's practically running now...at least her waddle has gotten faster particularly when she's grabbed something she knows she shouldn't have.
4. She likes to dance by bouncing up and down and turning in circles until she falls.
5. She can repeat "Mama," "Dada," "Baba," and "Haha." No real words yet though she does babble quite a bit.
6. She eats like a champ and as of today gets her one night time bottle of milk. No more breast milk/formula for us for the rest of our lives (yes, that means what you think it means)! Huzzah for us!
7. She loves to give hugs and kisses but she'll hold it against you if you've been gone all day and deny you either one of those. She still loves to snuggle.
8. She loves to do whatever her big sister is doing which is a good and a bad thing.
9. She thinks whatever she does is funny. For example, she'll go in the kitchen and put a colander on her head and stand there laughing until someone laughs with her (which we do).
10. She loves everyone in her family and quickly warms up to people she may not see often.
Her physical stats are: Height 31 inches and weight 22.8 pounds.
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| Happy 1st Birthday, JoJonator! |
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Shower Time
For a fleeting moment this morning I was the most brilliant mother in the world. So brilliant they would be talking about me for ages. Then, reality struck and I was back to being annoyed and screamy.
You see, I have a hard time determining the best time to take a shower. Nighttime is optimal but I hate taking showers at night because I wake-up feeling dirty (take that as you will). Besides, I started running again so that necessitates a morning shower. I could wait just a few hours after the run and take a shower during the girls' naptime but I'm in school full-time and need that full 15 minutes of pure bliss for studying (aka a nap).
Now, the biggest part of taking a shower after a run is what to do with the girls. Alex is pretty well-behaved on her own for the most part (this does not include yesterday when she got a hold of the permanent marker and inked herself and her sister up) and I don't mind if she's not in the bathroom with me. Jo, on the other hand, I don't trust as far as I can throw her and that's not very far because she's quite the chunket. For starters she likes to stand at the shower ripping the curtain back, filling the floor with water, then subsequently falling because she slips. This is when she's not finding random things to throw in the tub with me like stuffed animals and wooden toys that could impale me if I slipped and fell in a freak accident. In all it makes for a less than luxurious shower experience.
Today, however, I had a brilliant idea. I would take the gate from the bottom of the stairs and prop it against the door to the closet which connects to the bathroom. That way the girls could play in there and I could take a shower completely kid free and worry free.
Fool. Oh, silly, silly fool. I got about half-way through when things started to go wrong. First, Alex was taking all of my shoes and throwing them over the gate into the bathroom. Whatever, that was bound to happen. Then, she figured out she could get through the gate and leave her sister on the other side, essentially taunting her. Jo, of course did not take kindly to this and stood on the other side crying her banshee cry. During this time Alex was going back and forth between the bathroom and closet when finally, I heard the inevitable crashing of the gate as it fell to the floor. My head dropped, defeated. I just wanted to take a f***ing shower. Just a mother f****ing shower. It had been two days since I took one. I really needed it and all I wanted to do was take it without having to hold onto the shower curtain and shave my legs at the same time.
"Out!" I yelled at Alex, "Get out! Just go!" By this point Jo had crawled onto the gate and was making her way out ready for her showerreign rain of terror to start. Instead, because I didn't care anymore, I told Alex to open the bathroom door and let them both go, out into the house. A few minutes later and I realized my grievous error. I had taken the gate from the bottom of the steps, meaning Jo would see her chance to climb the stairs and fall and break her neck laugh in the face of danger once she reached the top. Freaking A. I jumped out of the shower, grabbed the useless gate and ran into the living room hoping none of the neighbors had a pair of binoculars trained on the window of the living room (What? I like to think of myself as potential MILF material).
So, here I sit. Defeated and deflated. Maybe one day I'll have it all figured out. Or, at least the shower part. I won't be so bold as to state that one day I'll have it all figured out because that is certainly foolish.
You see, I have a hard time determining the best time to take a shower. Nighttime is optimal but I hate taking showers at night because I wake-up feeling dirty (take that as you will). Besides, I started running again so that necessitates a morning shower. I could wait just a few hours after the run and take a shower during the girls' naptime but I'm in school full-time and need that full 15 minutes of pure bliss for studying (aka a nap).
Now, the biggest part of taking a shower after a run is what to do with the girls. Alex is pretty well-behaved on her own for the most part (this does not include yesterday when she got a hold of the permanent marker and inked herself and her sister up) and I don't mind if she's not in the bathroom with me. Jo, on the other hand, I don't trust as far as I can throw her and that's not very far because she's quite the chunket. For starters she likes to stand at the shower ripping the curtain back, filling the floor with water, then subsequently falling because she slips. This is when she's not finding random things to throw in the tub with me like stuffed animals and wooden toys that could impale me if I slipped and fell in a freak accident. In all it makes for a less than luxurious shower experience.
Today, however, I had a brilliant idea. I would take the gate from the bottom of the stairs and prop it against the door to the closet which connects to the bathroom. That way the girls could play in there and I could take a shower completely kid free and worry free.
Fool. Oh, silly, silly fool. I got about half-way through when things started to go wrong. First, Alex was taking all of my shoes and throwing them over the gate into the bathroom. Whatever, that was bound to happen. Then, she figured out she could get through the gate and leave her sister on the other side, essentially taunting her. Jo, of course did not take kindly to this and stood on the other side crying her banshee cry. During this time Alex was going back and forth between the bathroom and closet when finally, I heard the inevitable crashing of the gate as it fell to the floor. My head dropped, defeated. I just wanted to take a f***ing shower. Just a mother f****ing shower. It had been two days since I took one. I really needed it and all I wanted to do was take it without having to hold onto the shower curtain and shave my legs at the same time.
"Out!" I yelled at Alex, "Get out! Just go!" By this point Jo had crawled onto the gate and was making her way out ready for her shower
So, here I sit. Defeated and deflated. Maybe one day I'll have it all figured out. Or, at least the shower part. I won't be so bold as to state that one day I'll have it all figured out because that is certainly foolish.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Things That Have Happened On My Watch While Marcus Is Away
While Marcus has been on travel for the last month I have been keeping my girls alive. I'm not sure how but somehow they both are still breathing though not without their fair share of bumps and bruises and, perhaps, nicotine addictions.
Just today I was showing Alex how to hula hoop with a weighted hula hoop (the kind with water in it...for whatever reason). She apparently was entranced by the prowess that is my hula hooping as she walked right into it, head first. A few minutes later and I'm wondering what the heck she did to her head when I was politely reminded of that one time when I hula hooped into my daughter's face.
Last night Josephine did a full-on face plant after falling off the bed. I went to grab her as it happened but to no avail. It sounded painful and I'm sure it was because she did a very long silent wail before letting out the big one.
Still though, I'm not sure that's better or worse than the cigarette butt she put in her mouth tonight. Yeah. That happened. On my watch. And it was a nasty cigarette butt, too. Not fresh, clearly been outside for a while. After getting it away from her she shivered as the horrid taste surely hit her.
Marcus comes home in less than a week and none too soon if you ask me. Here's hoping both girls have all appendages and various other body parts accounted for by the time he gets back.
Just today I was showing Alex how to hula hoop with a weighted hula hoop (the kind with water in it...for whatever reason). She apparently was entranced by the prowess that is my hula hooping as she walked right into it, head first. A few minutes later and I'm wondering what the heck she did to her head when I was politely reminded of that one time when I hula hooped into my daughter's face.
Last night Josephine did a full-on face plant after falling off the bed. I went to grab her as it happened but to no avail. It sounded painful and I'm sure it was because she did a very long silent wail before letting out the big one.
Still though, I'm not sure that's better or worse than the cigarette butt she put in her mouth tonight. Yeah. That happened. On my watch. And it was a nasty cigarette butt, too. Not fresh, clearly been outside for a while. After getting it away from her she shivered as the horrid taste surely hit her.
Marcus comes home in less than a week and none too soon if you ask me. Here's hoping both girls have all appendages and various other body parts accounted for by the time he gets back.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Doctorate of Parenting
I am of the opinion that children should be seen and not heard, especially in public. I probably would have done very well living during the Victorian era. Because of my, let's call it what it is, ability to be a good member of society I cringe when my children make even the slightest of noises when we're out and about. There is nothing harder than convincing a two year old she should whisper and as far as the baby goes, well there literally is nothing I can do. But I try, damnit, I try.
Because of this philosophy on child rearing I found myself one fateful morning receiving my Doctorate of Parenting. Up until this point I had rightfully earned my Bachelor's of Parenting by learning how to clean a stinky butt in 5 seconds flat or burp a baby and avoid being spit-up on. As it turns out, all of that was putting me on the fast-track for my Doctorate.
Our road trip to Minnesota became, in effect, my Doctoral project. Our first night on the road we found ourselves checking into a hotel after midnight. The girls were a little wary about this new adventure but settled down within an hour only to awaken, ready for the day, 4 hours later. Marcus, realizing he was about to have a murder-suicide situation on his hands, took both girls out of the room and down to the lobby to watch cartoons and be the first in line for breakfast (which was not a goal he had set for this trip). A few hours later, Marcus and the girls came back up and I took over Josephine duties and attempted to pack us up while Marcus and Alex left to swim in the pool.
As luck would have it Jo was cutting a tooth at this very time and as such was miserable. When Jo is miserable the only comfort she can find is in me, as in she had to be plastered to me at all times. If I even made as if to put her down she would scream making it impossible to get anything done. Had we been at home I would have let it go but we were in a hotel and it was only 7:00 in the morning. My child was being horrid and I just knew someone was plotting our demise and this time it wasn't me.
At some point during this ordeal I had to use the bathroom, bad. Since Jo wouldn't let me put her down I thought I would bring her into the bathroom with me. The school of thought there being at least she could see me. Needless to say, she sat on the bathroom floor screaming her head off which was only amplified by the excellent bathroom acoustics. Eventually, I had to just pick her up and hold her in my lap as I went to the bathroom. I'll leave it up to you to decide if it was #1 or #2 but the point is, Jo was finally a quiet and happy baby as she sat on my lap and I went to the bathroom. Unfortunately, I had to put her back down and the screaming started back up again but there are some things that are just simply impossible to do while holding a baby. Maybe if I figure out a way to finish taking care of business while holding a baby I will be elevated to the Nobel Peace Prize of Parenting.
Because of this philosophy on child rearing I found myself one fateful morning receiving my Doctorate of Parenting. Up until this point I had rightfully earned my Bachelor's of Parenting by learning how to clean a stinky butt in 5 seconds flat or burp a baby and avoid being spit-up on. As it turns out, all of that was putting me on the fast-track for my Doctorate.
Our road trip to Minnesota became, in effect, my Doctoral project. Our first night on the road we found ourselves checking into a hotel after midnight. The girls were a little wary about this new adventure but settled down within an hour only to awaken, ready for the day, 4 hours later. Marcus, realizing he was about to have a murder-suicide situation on his hands, took both girls out of the room and down to the lobby to watch cartoons and be the first in line for breakfast (which was not a goal he had set for this trip). A few hours later, Marcus and the girls came back up and I took over Josephine duties and attempted to pack us up while Marcus and Alex left to swim in the pool.
As luck would have it Jo was cutting a tooth at this very time and as such was miserable. When Jo is miserable the only comfort she can find is in me, as in she had to be plastered to me at all times. If I even made as if to put her down she would scream making it impossible to get anything done. Had we been at home I would have let it go but we were in a hotel and it was only 7:00 in the morning. My child was being horrid and I just knew someone was plotting our demise and this time it wasn't me.
At some point during this ordeal I had to use the bathroom, bad. Since Jo wouldn't let me put her down I thought I would bring her into the bathroom with me. The school of thought there being at least she could see me. Needless to say, she sat on the bathroom floor screaming her head off which was only amplified by the excellent bathroom acoustics. Eventually, I had to just pick her up and hold her in my lap as I went to the bathroom. I'll leave it up to you to decide if it was #1 or #2 but the point is, Jo was finally a quiet and happy baby as she sat on my lap and I went to the bathroom. Unfortunately, I had to put her back down and the screaming started back up again but there are some things that are just simply impossible to do while holding a baby. Maybe if I figure out a way to finish taking care of business while holding a baby I will be elevated to the Nobel Peace Prize of Parenting.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Our 9 Month Old
This post has nothing to do with our vacation either. It is, however, about our little chunket Jo who just turned 9 months. She is a force to be reckoned with. When she sets her sight on something (mind you, her sight is about knee level) she stops at nothing to get to it. When I tell her "no" she knows exactly what I'm saying but could care less. When she feels her lot in life is unjust she throws herself onto the ground, crying piteously. She has a sense of humor that makes me think she'll be the Jerry Lewis to Alex's Dean Martin (I swear I'm not 80 years old). None of this though mentions the fact that she wakes up smiling, she adores her big sister, and she "sings" along when I sing her lullabies at night.
Today was her 9 month check-up so, without further ado, I'd like to give some of her stats before I forget:
Jo is 21 pounds 4 ounces (80th percentile) and 27.5 inches long (55th percentile). I forget her head circumference but it's in the 75th percentile.
She babbles constantly, smiles, laughs and regales us with her mischievous smile at all times.
She can pull herself up and cruise all around the furniture, legs, whatever is within reach.
She recently climbed up the stairs and when she's crawling and Alex is running around she pushes her butt in the air as if to stand. You can see she can't wait to be up and causing more mischief with Alex.
She has two teeth on the bottom but no sign of any others to date.
She is attempting to eat finger foods but so far is failing. We don't understand why everything else goes into her mouth but when it comes to putting food into her mouth she can't figure it out.
We've also started giving her a sippy cup once a day which is just a daily reminder for me that she won't be a baby much longer.
I've realized I don't know Jo. Not yet. I think I see a glimmer of her personality but it won't be for another year before she really starts to shine and I can't wait.
She scrunches up her nose, sometimes makes noises like a Wookie and at other times like a Gremlin and yet other times she just simply grunts.
She sleeps through the night though wakes up occasionally. Sometimes I think she has nightmares because she wakes up screaming and is inconsolable. I hate those nights.
She is easily frustrated when she can't reach the object of her desire and, if she does reach it, gets even more frustrated when said object is promptly taken away. Generally speaking the objects of her desire are very much things she shouldn't have such as old band aids, remote controls, cat toys, wine bottles...you know, the usual things left lying around the house.
If Jo wakes up from her nap before Alex does you get the sense that she is lost. She kind of meanders around the living room, not really playing with anything. The minute Alex walks in the room though she lights up.
She has a personal vendetta against freshly folded piles of laundry. If she spots me working diligently to fold laundry she'll come over and with a grunt rip the pile apart. This makes folding laundry a challenge unless I wait for Jo to be asleep.
She can clap her hands and "dances" to music.
So, that's our Jo in a nutshell. Sometimes when I'm being myself (i.e. weird) Alex will just stare at me as if to say "WTF." Jo on the other hand. She gets me.
Today was her 9 month check-up so, without further ado, I'd like to give some of her stats before I forget:
Jo is 21 pounds 4 ounces (80th percentile) and 27.5 inches long (55th percentile). I forget her head circumference but it's in the 75th percentile.
She babbles constantly, smiles, laughs and regales us with her mischievous smile at all times.
She can pull herself up and cruise all around the furniture, legs, whatever is within reach.
She recently climbed up the stairs and when she's crawling and Alex is running around she pushes her butt in the air as if to stand. You can see she can't wait to be up and causing more mischief with Alex.
She has two teeth on the bottom but no sign of any others to date.
She is attempting to eat finger foods but so far is failing. We don't understand why everything else goes into her mouth but when it comes to putting food into her mouth she can't figure it out.
We've also started giving her a sippy cup once a day which is just a daily reminder for me that she won't be a baby much longer.
I've realized I don't know Jo. Not yet. I think I see a glimmer of her personality but it won't be for another year before she really starts to shine and I can't wait.
She scrunches up her nose, sometimes makes noises like a Wookie and at other times like a Gremlin and yet other times she just simply grunts.
She sleeps through the night though wakes up occasionally. Sometimes I think she has nightmares because she wakes up screaming and is inconsolable. I hate those nights.
She is easily frustrated when she can't reach the object of her desire and, if she does reach it, gets even more frustrated when said object is promptly taken away. Generally speaking the objects of her desire are very much things she shouldn't have such as old band aids, remote controls, cat toys, wine bottles...you know, the usual things left lying around the house.
If Jo wakes up from her nap before Alex does you get the sense that she is lost. She kind of meanders around the living room, not really playing with anything. The minute Alex walks in the room though she lights up.
She has a personal vendetta against freshly folded piles of laundry. If she spots me working diligently to fold laundry she'll come over and with a grunt rip the pile apart. This makes folding laundry a challenge unless I wait for Jo to be asleep.
She can clap her hands and "dances" to music.
So, that's our Jo in a nutshell. Sometimes when I'm being myself (i.e. weird) Alex will just stare at me as if to say "WTF." Jo on the other hand. She gets me.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Chaos
Wanna know how my night went? In one word: chaos. While Marcus has been yucking it up in Virginia I've been at home wrangling the wild beasts that are my children and cat.
A little background for you. We've recently discovered Lasagna (the cat) has been pooping and peeing in areas that are not her litter box. I almost gave her away as a kitten and again shortly after Alex was born and now I'm regretting never having done so. I don't even really like the cat to begin with so getting rid of her is really not a problem for me. I digress.
I thought I knew the areas Lasagna was doing her business, specifically all in Alex's room (passive-aggressive much, Lasagna?) but I was wrong. After dinner I found another spot in the laundry room that demanded prompt attention. Some may call me anal but I like to consider myself fastidious. I have a nose for stink and I can't stand it which is partly how I've single-handedly kept Yankee Candle in business. Again, getting off topic.
Anyway, the order of events in our household usually occur as such: 1. Dinner, 2. Bath, 3. Night cap for all, 4. Stories, 5. Bedtime. We've made that routine our bitch and as such Alexandra is quite the stickler for it. So, when I started getting all crazy about sniffing out cat pee I forgot that there were other priorities.
Now, the following is a tad bit my own fault. At one point, Alex told me she had a dirty diaper which usually is a good indication that she indeed has a dirty diaper. I told her to hold on a second, we'd be taking a bath really soon. I shoved that bit of information to the recess of my mind and continued on my decontamination of the house. Also worth mentioning, during this time I lost track of Josephine. I knew she was alive I just didn't know exactly where. Anyway, as I was wrapping up my cleaning Alex came running up to me butt-ass naked and, as if I needed further proof, proudly proclaimed "I naked!" "Yes, yes you are," I replied not in the least bit distracted by that bitch of a cat.
It wasn't until a few minutes later that I noticed she had poop on her bottom as she ran all over the house, relishing in her nakedness. Oh. My. Fucking...you get it. I don't like cat poop in the house and I certainly don't need human waste all over the place either. "Alex! Get in the bathroom right now! It's time for a bath!" Surprisingly, she listened though it then became a game of running into and out of the bathroom because I couldn't go right in with her as Josephine was MIA. "Where is Josephine?! Alex, back in the bathroom NOW! Josephine! (as if she would respond with a "yes, mother") Where are you?! Alex, if you don't get back in the bathroom right now you're going to REGRET IT. JOSEPHINE!" I ran into the master bathroom because that's one of her favorites and sure enough, there she was, crawling away from her pièce de résistance, an entire roll of toilet paper torn and crumpled and probably partially consumed on the floor.
As I was trying to wrangle Jo into the girls bathroom Alex continued her frolic until I could settle her down enough to wipe her butt and put them both in the bath. They're both now asleep, and have been for the last hour, and I'm wondering why all I have is a glass of water sitting in front of me. When Marcus called tonight he asked how my day was. I responded with a sigh. That's all I have left in me.
A little background for you. We've recently discovered Lasagna (the cat) has been pooping and peeing in areas that are not her litter box. I almost gave her away as a kitten and again shortly after Alex was born and now I'm regretting never having done so. I don't even really like the cat to begin with so getting rid of her is really not a problem for me. I digress.
I thought I knew the areas Lasagna was doing her business, specifically all in Alex's room (passive-aggressive much, Lasagna?) but I was wrong. After dinner I found another spot in the laundry room that demanded prompt attention. Some may call me anal but I like to consider myself fastidious. I have a nose for stink and I can't stand it which is partly how I've single-handedly kept Yankee Candle in business. Again, getting off topic.
Anyway, the order of events in our household usually occur as such: 1. Dinner, 2. Bath, 3. Night cap for all, 4. Stories, 5. Bedtime. We've made that routine our bitch and as such Alexandra is quite the stickler for it. So, when I started getting all crazy about sniffing out cat pee I forgot that there were other priorities.
Now, the following is a tad bit my own fault. At one point, Alex told me she had a dirty diaper which usually is a good indication that she indeed has a dirty diaper. I told her to hold on a second, we'd be taking a bath really soon. I shoved that bit of information to the recess of my mind and continued on my decontamination of the house. Also worth mentioning, during this time I lost track of Josephine. I knew she was alive I just didn't know exactly where. Anyway, as I was wrapping up my cleaning Alex came running up to me butt-ass naked and, as if I needed further proof, proudly proclaimed "I naked!" "Yes, yes you are," I replied not in the least bit distracted by that bitch of a cat.
It wasn't until a few minutes later that I noticed she had poop on her bottom as she ran all over the house, relishing in her nakedness. Oh. My. Fucking...you get it. I don't like cat poop in the house and I certainly don't need human waste all over the place either. "Alex! Get in the bathroom right now! It's time for a bath!" Surprisingly, she listened though it then became a game of running into and out of the bathroom because I couldn't go right in with her as Josephine was MIA. "Where is Josephine?! Alex, back in the bathroom NOW! Josephine! (as if she would respond with a "yes, mother") Where are you?! Alex, if you don't get back in the bathroom right now you're going to REGRET IT. JOSEPHINE!" I ran into the master bathroom because that's one of her favorites and sure enough, there she was, crawling away from her pièce de résistance, an entire roll of toilet paper torn and crumpled and probably partially consumed on the floor.
As I was trying to wrangle Jo into the girls bathroom Alex continued her frolic until I could settle her down enough to wipe her butt and put them both in the bath. They're both now asleep, and have been for the last hour, and I'm wondering why all I have is a glass of water sitting in front of me. When Marcus called tonight he asked how my day was. I responded with a sigh. That's all I have left in me.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
The Handful
Josephine. Josephine, Josephine, Josephine. Where do I start with this one? First off I'd just like to say that I called this a long time ago. Josephine is turning out to be quite the handful. This weekend gave us a brief glimpse into our future and boy, is it busy.
The first lesson of the week started on Saturday. First of all I should tell you that Jo started pulling herself up about 2 weeks ago. Since then she's taken numerous tree-like falls backwards and I wouldn't be one bit surprised if she's given herself a mild concussion by now. She pulls herself up onto everything and on Saturday climbed up the entire staircase. Now, before you get all crazy I was right behind her the whole time. Anyway, we've since put a gate at the bottom of the stairs.
Lesson number two came when I realized she had rediscovered the cat food I had already hidden on her once before. Water and food was everywhere. We've since barricaded the front door area of the house. Please note that both lesson one and two are more of a hindrance for Marcus and I than anything because now we have to maneuver around things.
Lesson number three came when I found her in the bathroom eating toilet paper. I hate to say this but by this point in time I'm fairly certain she's consumed toilet paper, potting soil, a piece of string, a part of a birthday blowout party favor, of course cat food, and not to mention anything else I haven't caught her with red-handed. Unfortunately I don't have a better solution for any of these scenarios except for never taking my eye off her for one second and, I'll be perfectly honest here, that ain't gonna happen.
Lesson number four happened Sunday morning just before church. I was in the bathroom when I heard a thud followed by the screams of Jo (her screams could wake the dead...I am certain the entire neighborhood has heard her). I walked into the living room to be told that Jo had been standing in Marcus's lap and had launched herself over the arm of the chair they were in. Neither of us know how she landed but she did have a nice bruise on her forehead so we assume she landed on her head. Great. We watched for signs of serious injury but other than crying her eyes out she acted normal. Lesson number four, do not let Jo stand in your lap and launch herself over the arm of a chair.
Lesson number five also happened on Sunday when I was running on the treadmill while Marcus was "watching" the girls. I know Marcus well enough to know that when I started running I needed to glance behind me every once in a while to see who might be lurking back there. Alex would generally come in the room, stand there watching for a second, then leave. However, towards the end of my run Jo had been lured in by the activity of her big sister. I saw, out of the corner of my eye, as she spotted me on the treadmill and got the biggest shit-eating grin you ever saw. She gave a shriek and made a bee line right for the treadmill. "Marcus!" I screamed. No response. "Marcus!" I tried again, the panic rising. Finally, in a last ditch effort to stop her I was about to hop off the machine when Marcus came running into the room and scooped her up. Mind you, at no point did I ever consider turning the machine off so we can see where my priorities lie in times of distress. Now, I either run when the girls are sleeping or, if Marcus is home...oh, who am I kidding? I won't be running with Marcus in charge anymore.
Since I already called it earlier that Jo would be a handful I'm going to call this: Jo will be the first to either get stitches or break a bone (God help me).
The first lesson of the week started on Saturday. First of all I should tell you that Jo started pulling herself up about 2 weeks ago. Since then she's taken numerous tree-like falls backwards and I wouldn't be one bit surprised if she's given herself a mild concussion by now. She pulls herself up onto everything and on Saturday climbed up the entire staircase. Now, before you get all crazy I was right behind her the whole time. Anyway, we've since put a gate at the bottom of the stairs.
Lesson number two came when I realized she had rediscovered the cat food I had already hidden on her once before. Water and food was everywhere. We've since barricaded the front door area of the house. Please note that both lesson one and two are more of a hindrance for Marcus and I than anything because now we have to maneuver around things.
Lesson number three came when I found her in the bathroom eating toilet paper. I hate to say this but by this point in time I'm fairly certain she's consumed toilet paper, potting soil, a piece of string, a part of a birthday blowout party favor, of course cat food, and not to mention anything else I haven't caught her with red-handed. Unfortunately I don't have a better solution for any of these scenarios except for never taking my eye off her for one second and, I'll be perfectly honest here, that ain't gonna happen.
Lesson number four happened Sunday morning just before church. I was in the bathroom when I heard a thud followed by the screams of Jo (her screams could wake the dead...I am certain the entire neighborhood has heard her). I walked into the living room to be told that Jo had been standing in Marcus's lap and had launched herself over the arm of the chair they were in. Neither of us know how she landed but she did have a nice bruise on her forehead so we assume she landed on her head. Great. We watched for signs of serious injury but other than crying her eyes out she acted normal. Lesson number four, do not let Jo stand in your lap and launch herself over the arm of a chair.
Lesson number five also happened on Sunday when I was running on the treadmill while Marcus was "watching" the girls. I know Marcus well enough to know that when I started running I needed to glance behind me every once in a while to see who might be lurking back there. Alex would generally come in the room, stand there watching for a second, then leave. However, towards the end of my run Jo had been lured in by the activity of her big sister. I saw, out of the corner of my eye, as she spotted me on the treadmill and got the biggest shit-eating grin you ever saw. She gave a shriek and made a bee line right for the treadmill. "Marcus!" I screamed. No response. "Marcus!" I tried again, the panic rising. Finally, in a last ditch effort to stop her I was about to hop off the machine when Marcus came running into the room and scooped her up. Mind you, at no point did I ever consider turning the machine off so we can see where my priorities lie in times of distress. Now, I either run when the girls are sleeping or, if Marcus is home...oh, who am I kidding? I won't be running with Marcus in charge anymore.
Since I already called it earlier that Jo would be a handful I'm going to call this: Jo will be the first to either get stitches or break a bone (God help me).
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| Does this look like the face of a troublemaker? Yes. |
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Mommy Vs. Alex
What I say: "Alex. I really need JoJo to take a nap right now so can you come in here with us and read quietly while I give her a bottle?"
What Alex hears: "Alex. I really need JoJo to take a nap so can you come in here with us and pull out every book that either makes animal noises or, is being read to you or, sings lullabies? After that can you play outside of JoJo's doorway with the Johnny Jump-Up by slamming it repeatedly into the doorjamb? That would be great, thanks."
What Alex hears: "Alex. I really need JoJo to take a nap so can you come in here with us and pull out every book that either makes animal noises or, is being read to you or, sings lullabies? After that can you play outside of JoJo's doorway with the Johnny Jump-Up by slamming it repeatedly into the doorjamb? That would be great, thanks."
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Love
Something that JoJo does that I don't ever want to forget: After she finishes her bottle she flips herself onto her belly and scrambles up to my shoulder, putting her head down and promptly falling asleep. She makes me feel so needed and comfortable. It breaks my heart to think that she won't do this for the rest of our lives. A fifty year old woman falling asleep on her 82 year old mother's shoulder would seem a little odd, I suppose.
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