I know some of you may be anxiously awaiting a new post about our road trip to Minnesota but I'm currently up to my arms in fleas, diaper explosions, and school work, not necessarily in that order. So far today I've had pizza rolls and a small can of coke. That's how conscientious of my diet I am plus a good indicator of how busy I am.
So, give me a minute or two. I promise, it's coming.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Chaos
Wanna know how my night went? In one word: chaos. While Marcus has been yucking it up in Virginia I've been at home wrangling the wild beasts that are my children and cat.
A little background for you. We've recently discovered Lasagna (the cat) has been pooping and peeing in areas that are not her litter box. I almost gave her away as a kitten and again shortly after Alex was born and now I'm regretting never having done so. I don't even really like the cat to begin with so getting rid of her is really not a problem for me. I digress.
I thought I knew the areas Lasagna was doing her business, specifically all in Alex's room (passive-aggressive much, Lasagna?) but I was wrong. After dinner I found another spot in the laundry room that demanded prompt attention. Some may call me anal but I like to consider myself fastidious. I have a nose for stink and I can't stand it which is partly how I've single-handedly kept Yankee Candle in business. Again, getting off topic.
Anyway, the order of events in our household usually occur as such: 1. Dinner, 2. Bath, 3. Night cap for all, 4. Stories, 5. Bedtime. We've made that routine our bitch and as such Alexandra is quite the stickler for it. So, when I started getting all crazy about sniffing out cat pee I forgot that there were other priorities.
Now, the following is a tad bit my own fault. At one point, Alex told me she had a dirty diaper which usually is a good indication that she indeed has a dirty diaper. I told her to hold on a second, we'd be taking a bath really soon. I shoved that bit of information to the recess of my mind and continued on my decontamination of the house. Also worth mentioning, during this time I lost track of Josephine. I knew she was alive I just didn't know exactly where. Anyway, as I was wrapping up my cleaning Alex came running up to me butt-ass naked and, as if I needed further proof, proudly proclaimed "I naked!" "Yes, yes you are," I replied not in the least bit distracted by that bitch of a cat.
It wasn't until a few minutes later that I noticed she had poop on her bottom as she ran all over the house, relishing in her nakedness. Oh. My. Fucking...you get it. I don't like cat poop in the house and I certainly don't need human waste all over the place either. "Alex! Get in the bathroom right now! It's time for a bath!" Surprisingly, she listened though it then became a game of running into and out of the bathroom because I couldn't go right in with her as Josephine was MIA. "Where is Josephine?! Alex, back in the bathroom NOW! Josephine! (as if she would respond with a "yes, mother") Where are you?! Alex, if you don't get back in the bathroom right now you're going to REGRET IT. JOSEPHINE!" I ran into the master bathroom because that's one of her favorites and sure enough, there she was, crawling away from her pièce de résistance, an entire roll of toilet paper torn and crumpled and probably partially consumed on the floor.
As I was trying to wrangle Jo into the girls bathroom Alex continued her frolic until I could settle her down enough to wipe her butt and put them both in the bath. They're both now asleep, and have been for the last hour, and I'm wondering why all I have is a glass of water sitting in front of me. When Marcus called tonight he asked how my day was. I responded with a sigh. That's all I have left in me.
A little background for you. We've recently discovered Lasagna (the cat) has been pooping and peeing in areas that are not her litter box. I almost gave her away as a kitten and again shortly after Alex was born and now I'm regretting never having done so. I don't even really like the cat to begin with so getting rid of her is really not a problem for me. I digress.
I thought I knew the areas Lasagna was doing her business, specifically all in Alex's room (passive-aggressive much, Lasagna?) but I was wrong. After dinner I found another spot in the laundry room that demanded prompt attention. Some may call me anal but I like to consider myself fastidious. I have a nose for stink and I can't stand it which is partly how I've single-handedly kept Yankee Candle in business. Again, getting off topic.
Anyway, the order of events in our household usually occur as such: 1. Dinner, 2. Bath, 3. Night cap for all, 4. Stories, 5. Bedtime. We've made that routine our bitch and as such Alexandra is quite the stickler for it. So, when I started getting all crazy about sniffing out cat pee I forgot that there were other priorities.
Now, the following is a tad bit my own fault. At one point, Alex told me she had a dirty diaper which usually is a good indication that she indeed has a dirty diaper. I told her to hold on a second, we'd be taking a bath really soon. I shoved that bit of information to the recess of my mind and continued on my decontamination of the house. Also worth mentioning, during this time I lost track of Josephine. I knew she was alive I just didn't know exactly where. Anyway, as I was wrapping up my cleaning Alex came running up to me butt-ass naked and, as if I needed further proof, proudly proclaimed "I naked!" "Yes, yes you are," I replied not in the least bit distracted by that bitch of a cat.
It wasn't until a few minutes later that I noticed she had poop on her bottom as she ran all over the house, relishing in her nakedness. Oh. My. Fucking...you get it. I don't like cat poop in the house and I certainly don't need human waste all over the place either. "Alex! Get in the bathroom right now! It's time for a bath!" Surprisingly, she listened though it then became a game of running into and out of the bathroom because I couldn't go right in with her as Josephine was MIA. "Where is Josephine?! Alex, back in the bathroom NOW! Josephine! (as if she would respond with a "yes, mother") Where are you?! Alex, if you don't get back in the bathroom right now you're going to REGRET IT. JOSEPHINE!" I ran into the master bathroom because that's one of her favorites and sure enough, there she was, crawling away from her pièce de résistance, an entire roll of toilet paper torn and crumpled and probably partially consumed on the floor.
As I was trying to wrangle Jo into the girls bathroom Alex continued her frolic until I could settle her down enough to wipe her butt and put them both in the bath. They're both now asleep, and have been for the last hour, and I'm wondering why all I have is a glass of water sitting in front of me. When Marcus called tonight he asked how my day was. I responded with a sigh. That's all I have left in me.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
This Is Probably TMI
I figured maybe it was time to post a little something about myself. I tend to be a vain creature (Hi, Jeffrey!) and I like to make sure everybody doesn't forget me. Me, me, me. It was me, after all, who carried and gave birth to the two babies we constantly talk about. I mean, isn't it time we give that a break? They're all of 2 and 8 months respectively and don't have nearly the same level of awesomeness that I do.
But, in all seriousness, I would like to write a little something about myself. Specifically, my body post two babies. This is where most of you can stop reading if you'd like.
First I'd like to mention the fact that after giving birth I felt pretty darn good about my body (both times). I mean, I'm no Victoria's Secret model bouncing back after a few weeks but I didn't have any stretch marks and my belly went down pretty well (though, as we'll find out later, not as well as I thought). I held on to some extra weight from Alex that I couldn't shake before getting pregnant with Jo but I've since lost all of that weight and was feeling pretty good about myself.
That was, until a few weeks ago when the pastor of our church asked me if I was pregnant. I was shocked. I thought he was telling me a joke. When the punchline never came, I loudly exclaimed "No!," punched him in the gut, then ran away. Most of that last sentence is true.
It was at that exact moment that I decided to pick-up my running routine that I had been putting off for long enough. I did and two weeks into it I'm already injured. I guess working my way up to 4 miles in less than 2 weeks was kind of stupid. There goes my beach bod but I don't really care. I've seen the state of some of the women out there wearing bikini's and I'm going to go for it anyway. Eh, on second thought maybe not. I just looked for a bathing suit at Victoria's Secret and I think I'm going to fast for the next two months before going out in a bathing suit.
In the end though, my only real complaint is with my breasts. They are out of control after breast feeding two babies. I put on a sports bra and one nipple points one way, the other points another. This is even after trying to line them up. It's like they're made of those stress balls filled with sand but way less firm and more of a Jello filling so, actually, not much like a stress ball at all. I can't even hang out around the house without a bra. Scratch that. I can and I do. But I'm pretty sure I make people uncomfortable with how low my breasts hang, one nipple pointing to the left and the other pointing down. Why they point that way I have no idea, but it's true.
So, there you have it. My post two babies, body issues. It could be worse. For example, it could be worse if I still weighed 180 pounds (no joke, that's how much I weighed with Jo...it was more than Marcus) but without the added benefit of having a baby inside me, so there's that. But it could be better. For example, it could be better if I still had the cute runner's butt I used to have as opposed to the mom butt that's been quietly forming back there.
But, in all seriousness, I would like to write a little something about myself. Specifically, my body post two babies. This is where most of you can stop reading if you'd like.
First I'd like to mention the fact that after giving birth I felt pretty darn good about my body (both times). I mean, I'm no Victoria's Secret model bouncing back after a few weeks but I didn't have any stretch marks and my belly went down pretty well (though, as we'll find out later, not as well as I thought). I held on to some extra weight from Alex that I couldn't shake before getting pregnant with Jo but I've since lost all of that weight and was feeling pretty good about myself.
That was, until a few weeks ago when the pastor of our church asked me if I was pregnant. I was shocked. I thought he was telling me a joke. When the punchline never came, I loudly exclaimed "No!," punched him in the gut, then ran away. Most of that last sentence is true.
It was at that exact moment that I decided to pick-up my running routine that I had been putting off for long enough. I did and two weeks into it I'm already injured. I guess working my way up to 4 miles in less than 2 weeks was kind of stupid. There goes my beach bod but I don't really care. I've seen the state of some of the women out there wearing bikini's and I'm going to go for it anyway. Eh, on second thought maybe not. I just looked for a bathing suit at Victoria's Secret and I think I'm going to fast for the next two months before going out in a bathing suit.
In the end though, my only real complaint is with my breasts. They are out of control after breast feeding two babies. I put on a sports bra and one nipple points one way, the other points another. This is even after trying to line them up. It's like they're made of those stress balls filled with sand but way less firm and more of a Jello filling so, actually, not much like a stress ball at all. I can't even hang out around the house without a bra. Scratch that. I can and I do. But I'm pretty sure I make people uncomfortable with how low my breasts hang, one nipple pointing to the left and the other pointing down. Why they point that way I have no idea, but it's true.
So, there you have it. My post two babies, body issues. It could be worse. For example, it could be worse if I still weighed 180 pounds (no joke, that's how much I weighed with Jo...it was more than Marcus) but without the added benefit of having a baby inside me, so there's that. But it could be better. For example, it could be better if I still had the cute runner's butt I used to have as opposed to the mom butt that's been quietly forming back there.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
The Handful
Josephine. Josephine, Josephine, Josephine. Where do I start with this one? First off I'd just like to say that I called this a long time ago. Josephine is turning out to be quite the handful. This weekend gave us a brief glimpse into our future and boy, is it busy.
The first lesson of the week started on Saturday. First of all I should tell you that Jo started pulling herself up about 2 weeks ago. Since then she's taken numerous tree-like falls backwards and I wouldn't be one bit surprised if she's given herself a mild concussion by now. She pulls herself up onto everything and on Saturday climbed up the entire staircase. Now, before you get all crazy I was right behind her the whole time. Anyway, we've since put a gate at the bottom of the stairs.
Lesson number two came when I realized she had rediscovered the cat food I had already hidden on her once before. Water and food was everywhere. We've since barricaded the front door area of the house. Please note that both lesson one and two are more of a hindrance for Marcus and I than anything because now we have to maneuver around things.
Lesson number three came when I found her in the bathroom eating toilet paper. I hate to say this but by this point in time I'm fairly certain she's consumed toilet paper, potting soil, a piece of string, a part of a birthday blowout party favor, of course cat food, and not to mention anything else I haven't caught her with red-handed. Unfortunately I don't have a better solution for any of these scenarios except for never taking my eye off her for one second and, I'll be perfectly honest here, that ain't gonna happen.
Lesson number four happened Sunday morning just before church. I was in the bathroom when I heard a thud followed by the screams of Jo (her screams could wake the dead...I am certain the entire neighborhood has heard her). I walked into the living room to be told that Jo had been standing in Marcus's lap and had launched herself over the arm of the chair they were in. Neither of us know how she landed but she did have a nice bruise on her forehead so we assume she landed on her head. Great. We watched for signs of serious injury but other than crying her eyes out she acted normal. Lesson number four, do not let Jo stand in your lap and launch herself over the arm of a chair.
Lesson number five also happened on Sunday when I was running on the treadmill while Marcus was "watching" the girls. I know Marcus well enough to know that when I started running I needed to glance behind me every once in a while to see who might be lurking back there. Alex would generally come in the room, stand there watching for a second, then leave. However, towards the end of my run Jo had been lured in by the activity of her big sister. I saw, out of the corner of my eye, as she spotted me on the treadmill and got the biggest shit-eating grin you ever saw. She gave a shriek and made a bee line right for the treadmill. "Marcus!" I screamed. No response. "Marcus!" I tried again, the panic rising. Finally, in a last ditch effort to stop her I was about to hop off the machine when Marcus came running into the room and scooped her up. Mind you, at no point did I ever consider turning the machine off so we can see where my priorities lie in times of distress. Now, I either run when the girls are sleeping or, if Marcus is home...oh, who am I kidding? I won't be running with Marcus in charge anymore.
Since I already called it earlier that Jo would be a handful I'm going to call this: Jo will be the first to either get stitches or break a bone (God help me).
The first lesson of the week started on Saturday. First of all I should tell you that Jo started pulling herself up about 2 weeks ago. Since then she's taken numerous tree-like falls backwards and I wouldn't be one bit surprised if she's given herself a mild concussion by now. She pulls herself up onto everything and on Saturday climbed up the entire staircase. Now, before you get all crazy I was right behind her the whole time. Anyway, we've since put a gate at the bottom of the stairs.
Lesson number two came when I realized she had rediscovered the cat food I had already hidden on her once before. Water and food was everywhere. We've since barricaded the front door area of the house. Please note that both lesson one and two are more of a hindrance for Marcus and I than anything because now we have to maneuver around things.
Lesson number three came when I found her in the bathroom eating toilet paper. I hate to say this but by this point in time I'm fairly certain she's consumed toilet paper, potting soil, a piece of string, a part of a birthday blowout party favor, of course cat food, and not to mention anything else I haven't caught her with red-handed. Unfortunately I don't have a better solution for any of these scenarios except for never taking my eye off her for one second and, I'll be perfectly honest here, that ain't gonna happen.
Lesson number four happened Sunday morning just before church. I was in the bathroom when I heard a thud followed by the screams of Jo (her screams could wake the dead...I am certain the entire neighborhood has heard her). I walked into the living room to be told that Jo had been standing in Marcus's lap and had launched herself over the arm of the chair they were in. Neither of us know how she landed but she did have a nice bruise on her forehead so we assume she landed on her head. Great. We watched for signs of serious injury but other than crying her eyes out she acted normal. Lesson number four, do not let Jo stand in your lap and launch herself over the arm of a chair.
Lesson number five also happened on Sunday when I was running on the treadmill while Marcus was "watching" the girls. I know Marcus well enough to know that when I started running I needed to glance behind me every once in a while to see who might be lurking back there. Alex would generally come in the room, stand there watching for a second, then leave. However, towards the end of my run Jo had been lured in by the activity of her big sister. I saw, out of the corner of my eye, as she spotted me on the treadmill and got the biggest shit-eating grin you ever saw. She gave a shriek and made a bee line right for the treadmill. "Marcus!" I screamed. No response. "Marcus!" I tried again, the panic rising. Finally, in a last ditch effort to stop her I was about to hop off the machine when Marcus came running into the room and scooped her up. Mind you, at no point did I ever consider turning the machine off so we can see where my priorities lie in times of distress. Now, I either run when the girls are sleeping or, if Marcus is home...oh, who am I kidding? I won't be running with Marcus in charge anymore.
Since I already called it earlier that Jo would be a handful I'm going to call this: Jo will be the first to either get stitches or break a bone (God help me).
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| Does this look like the face of a troublemaker? Yes. |
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Marcus The Doctor
In the immortal words of "Dora the Explorer" (Shoot me. Shoot me, now.) "He did it, he did it, he did it, hooray!" This past Saturday Marcus was officially accepted into the "company of scholars" (their words, not mine) when he received his Doctorate of Engineering. What an achievement that has been 5 years in the making. Along with working on his doctoral thesis these past five years Marcus has: Married me, welcomed 2 baby girls (and a cat) into his life, purchased 4 homes and flipped one, purchased an apartment building, moved twice, took jobs in D.C. and North Carolina, received his pilot's license, traveled to Hawaii, Jamaica, Costa Rica, and Japan, and broken at least two bones.
Couple all of these life events with me trying not to kill him and it's a miracle he made it at all. No, seriously. His life was on the line on more than one occasion. Everyone congratulated me, too for being here supporting Marcus but I certainly don't deserve any credit because half the time I was debating on the merits of poisoning versus electrocution or just moving back in with my mom. I'm also not proud to say that I know for a fact when flung across the room at a high velocity avocado stains walls. Don't ask me how I know, just trust me.
All of this is simply to say, though, how great it is to know this portion of our lives is over. We made it through despite the craziness that has been our lives and now we can focus on other things, like absolutely NOTHING.
Couple all of these life events with me trying not to kill him and it's a miracle he made it at all. No, seriously. His life was on the line on more than one occasion. Everyone congratulated me, too for being here supporting Marcus but I certainly don't deserve any credit because half the time I was debating on the merits of poisoning versus electrocution or just moving back in with my mom. I'm also not proud to say that I know for a fact when flung across the room at a high velocity avocado stains walls. Don't ask me how I know, just trust me.
All of this is simply to say, though, how great it is to know this portion of our lives is over. We made it through despite the craziness that has been our lives and now we can focus on other things, like absolutely NOTHING.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Mommy Vs. Alex
What I say: "Alex. I really need JoJo to take a nap right now so can you come in here with us and read quietly while I give her a bottle?"
What Alex hears: "Alex. I really need JoJo to take a nap so can you come in here with us and pull out every book that either makes animal noises or, is being read to you or, sings lullabies? After that can you play outside of JoJo's doorway with the Johnny Jump-Up by slamming it repeatedly into the doorjamb? That would be great, thanks."
What Alex hears: "Alex. I really need JoJo to take a nap so can you come in here with us and pull out every book that either makes animal noises or, is being read to you or, sings lullabies? After that can you play outside of JoJo's doorway with the Johnny Jump-Up by slamming it repeatedly into the doorjamb? That would be great, thanks."
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Love
Something that JoJo does that I don't ever want to forget: After she finishes her bottle she flips herself onto her belly and scrambles up to my shoulder, putting her head down and promptly falling asleep. She makes me feel so needed and comfortable. It breaks my heart to think that she won't do this for the rest of our lives. A fifty year old woman falling asleep on her 82 year old mother's shoulder would seem a little odd, I suppose.
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