You'll Never Believe This One...Then Again, You Probably Will

It should probably not come as a surprise to those of you who follow me on Facebook what this post is about.

Yes, Marcus got a new (to us) jet ski.  A friend was looking to sell his mid-80s jet ski and instead offered to give it to Marcus for free.  Naturally, Marcus, being Marcus, could not refuse this enticing offer despite the fact we have a baby due to be born in early October, Alex's new bedroom needs to be painted and put together, the master bathroom needs to be finished as it currently consists of nothing but tile, and the master closet needs to be finished as it currently consists of all of the tools being used to work on the master bathroom.  Also, might I add that the only person who could possibly even get any enjoyment out of said jet ski is the only person who could possibly even take care of all the aforementioned projects (not including the new baby part...I am all over that one).

Marcus has a propensity to acquire things for the shear sake of acquiring them despite there often being very good reasons not to do so and then they become projects that take the place of more important projects and to be honest, they never really take flight anyway as evidenced here...here...here...and here.  Pretty much all of the linked blog posts are about the other jet ski in our life.  After doing the search for those posts it occurred to me that I never once wrote a blog post about the time, a few weeks after Alexandra was born, when Marcus went out and purchased a new (to us) Jeep Wrangler.  Because that's what a new family of three needed at the time, an old, rusty Jeep Wrangler that only Marcus or I could drive separately but never together because there was no way in hell I'd put my brand new baby in that thing.  Heck, I wouldn't put her in it now.  I digress.

Despite my attempts at being the coolest pregnant woman you'll ever meet and despite my attempts to not throw the pregnancy card out there at every chance I get this pregnant woman is really, really starting to freak the f*** out.  There is a lot of work to be done in a very short amount of time and I'm banking on going to term with this pregnancy despite my previous history.  God help us if this baby comes early, too.  God help Marcus if he goes out, gallivanting around on a jet ski when work on the bathroom and closet could be done.  Oh yeah, that's a threat.

The End of an Era

All good things must come to an end, as they say. And so that is how on the 22nd of July in the year 2011 I said goodbye to my dear, dear friend the jet ski. I think back fondly to the day I first laid eyes upon the yellow, pink, and purple Seadoo. What an ugly piece of shit, I believe, are the words that first entered my mind. It was a majestic machine that evoked memories of days long past with its 80s-style graphics. As if it were a time machine I found myself back in my early childhood, wearing four pairs of socks in alternating (neon) colors and my hair so crimped it practically broke right off if you touched it.

It was so much more than just a machine that had the potential for flying across the water at high(ish) rates of speed. And it was so much more than just a fond reminder of my youth. It was an intricate piece that kept the far right corner and upper left corner of the garage together. It was a constant source of inspiration for not only me but for my darling, Marcus, as well. For me, the jet ski was a metaphor for my life: slowly getting older but still yearning to feel young and vibrant. For Marcus, the jet ski was a battle he would not lose. He would not let this jet ski down and he would fix it. Once. And. For. All.

So, it came to pass that one day Marcus did just that. He fixed it. And it ran. For longer than 20 minutes.

I soon found myself standing in the driveway watching Marcus drive out of sight, towing the jet ski behind him. Tears formed in my eyes as I remembered all of our good times. Where would I go from here? What could possibly take the place of my beloved? As I turned to head back in I found my answer. The arcade game “Ivan Stewart’s Off Road” sat, beckoning me from the far reaches of the garage with its blue painters tape holding the mother board in place and truly inspired 80s computer graphics. Ah, yes! How could I forget? The very first thing that followed Marcus home after we were married and which, in turn, was the very first thing of his that I despised. I had put so much time and energy into my relationship with the jet ski that I had practically forgotten about “ISOR*.”  I feel as if I have come full circle. 

*Quick side note: After typing that acronym I can’t help but be amused by the fact that it can be pronounced as “eye sore”.

So long, sucker!

4th of July Weekend a.k.a. the Weekend the Jet Ski Moved From One Corner of the Garage to the Other

I know you all have been waiting with bated breath to hear about the latest adventures of the jet ski.  Marcus proved me wrong during Memorial Day weekend when he ended up taking the jet ski out to the water where it ran for roughly 20 minutes.  I asked my darling husband when he's just going to give up on this.  In my opinion, which doesn't really stand for much since I know jack about jet skis, out of all the pieces of crap he's collected over the years this one is probably the biggest piece of crap.  Anyway, the jet ski is back at the house and this time it's been put to good use as a magnet for other crap.  If you'll note it did move from one side of the garage to the other so that's promising; it's just a few more inches from being out the garage door.  In the meantime I'll continue taking pictures of it's movement throughout the garage and documenting it's running time.  So far, for the summer of 2011, it's been moved once and ran for 20 minutes.  I think we're off to a good start!

Nope, no water over here either

 

A Few Updates

Anybody want to buy a jet ski?  I'll sell it for cheap!

What we have here, folks, is a jet ski that has been sitting in the corner of the garage for approximately 4 months. If you are an avid reader of this blog, as I’m sure you are, then you may remember the infamous jet ski incident of 2011. I don’t have much more to say about this as the picture speaks for itself but we can all agree that picking-up the jet ski during a January ice storm was unnecessary. Memorial Day weekend is upon us and I’ll be curious to see if this thing makes it to the water as it has been sitting there since the day we got it.  Untouched.  Nary a nut nor bolt nor belt has been tightened on this bad boy.

Also, we went to Busch Gardens this past weekend and guess what non-pregnant women can do? Drink and ride the rides. Well, mostly drink since there were a million and one people at the park that particular day and the lines for rides were way too long.  Hence I opted to go the "drink if you got 'em" route rather than the "stand if you got 'em" route.  Also, I figured since the world was supposed to come crashing down around us that day (21 May), I might as well enjoy my last few moments blissfully unaware of the horror around me.  In a way it worked since I was, for the most part, blissfully unaware of the insane amounts of teenagers running into me and the screaming children bursting my ear drums.  Ah, Michelob Ultra.  You complete me.

My Husband. Bless His Heart.

When you hear someone in the south say "Bless so-and-so's heart" they mean it less in a literal sense and more in a "God love them but damn are they unfortunate/pitiful/strange, etc."

My husband can be a rather strange one at times and yesterday was no exception.  Now, don't get me wrong, I love my husband more than anything in this world. He is the only person I could even begin to imagine being stranded on a desert island with and life without him would not be a life worth living. There are so many reasons I love him but one of the biggest reasons is his laid-back personality. If you were to look-up the definition for “laid-back” you would, in fact, see his picture next to it (see below). It takes a lot to get him worked up about anything and rarely does that happen.

That is until he gets his heart set on something. It’s at that point that my laid-back husband becomes a stubborn husband who will not let one thing stand in his way, whether that one thing is hell or high-water or an ice storm, from getting what he wants.

This is where my story begins.

Yesterday my boss walked into my office and said “What are you still doing here? Go home!” Alas, this isn’t something that he typically tells me to do and it was only because the beginnings of a winter storm were starting to affect the area. The ice in our area was apparently starting to build and it would be better to drive now rather than later. “I can’t leave yet. I rode in with Marcus,” was my reply. “Ohhh…” he said, giving me a knowing look. We’ve had plenty of discussions about the situation I’ve found myself in which is carpooling with Marcus 2 of the 5 work days. While I enjoy the extra quality time I get to spend with him (and the quick 20 minute nap I can catch either on the way to work or home) I hate being on his schedule. When that clock strikes 4:00 PM I want to leave! Now! Damnit!

Shortly after my boss told me to go home I called Marcus and told him that I had been given strict instructions to head home. So, Marcus came to pick me up and we headed in the general direction of our house. With one, slight exception. We turned in the complete opposite direction of our house and instead headed towards a friend’s who lives on the water. Marcus had mentioned the night before that he was going to pick-up the jet ski from our friends so that he could bring it home and work on it. I’m assuming it will take a full four months before this thing gets running because that’s how long we have until it’s warm enough to even consider putting it in the water. “Are we seriously going to pick-up the jet ski?” I asked. “Why not?” Marcus replied. “Because, the whole purpose of leaving work early was to avoid driving in the ice storm” was my logical response. I didn’t get much more of an answer after that (I win! Sort of.) but we continued to head in the direction of the water. We arrived at our friend’s house and Marcus began hitching the jet ski to the back of the trailer. During that time the ice really began coming down. We finally set back on the road and as we were driving (roughly 10 miles per hour by this point) it occurred to me that we looked mighty funny towing a jet ski behind our vehicle…in an ice/snow storm.  It also gave me time to stew and as we creeped along I got madder and madder.  The whole point to leaving early was to avoid this!  How dare he have me out in this weather in my condition!  “I bet people are pointing and laughing at us” I said in the most nonchalant voice I could muster.

 
I was right.

Shortly after those infamous last words escaped my lips we passed another friend and his girlfriend leaving a gas station. It didn’t seem like he noticed us, and I knew he would appreciate the humor, so I quickly text messaged him with the following: “We just passed you at Sheetz. We’re the assholes in the Jeep towing a jet ski…because clearly we’ll want to be using it soon.” Not more than 5 minutes later I get a phone call from our friend laughing hysterically. It would appear that he did not notice us but his girlfriend did. “Who the f*** is pulling a jet ski in the snow?” was her question. “I don’t know, babe. People are weird around here. Maybe they’re going to the lake?” was the response she got. When my text message was received it was the icing on the cake. As he recounted to me the conversation that had just taken place I was laughing so hard tears streamed from my eyes.

The best part was as he told her people were weird “around here” (which they are) he didn’t realize that he was talking about his own friends. I’m not sure who should take that statement more personally: Us for being thrown in the “weird” category or him for having the weird friends.

The worst part was (or potentially another “best” because I was right) it was confirmed: Yes, people were pointing and laughing at us as we drove by.

That is where the story ends.  Due to my husband's stubbornness we now have the jet ski in the garage ready to be worked on at any time in the next 4 months. In retrospect, while I was mad that we were driving in the storm all for a jet ski that didn’t necessarily need to be picked up at that exact moment, it does leave me with a good story and that is all that matters.





Laid-backittude.  He has it.