I think I've made it pretty clear where I stand on maternity clothes. I pretty much despise them. Part of the problem lies in that there is all of one or two places that actually sell maternity clothes that can be tried on. To be honest, they're too expensive and ugly anyway. The only places that I like to purchase my maternity clothes either sell them online or at their flagship stores which, seeing as how I don't live on 5th Avenue, are hard to get to.
I honestly can't complain too much about the tops mostly because I'm super selective about the style of top I wear. Please, do not give me a top that puts a bow between my breasts and the top of my belly and then follow that with some flowing material at the bottom. I really don't want the word "house" used when people describe my current pregnant body state. Other than that really popular clothing atrocity the tops can sometimes be cute.
But the pants? The pants are by far the worst. They never fit in the a$$/thigh region and if they do then that means the hip and above area is insanely uncomfortable because it's too tight. Not to mention the fact that most pants don't come with an entire Lycra panel for the belly is something I'll never understand. What woman wants to see her enormous stomach bisected when she looks in the mirror? I am pretty sure a Ryan Gosling meme of the following will never exist: "Oh, hey, girl. Three sexy belly bulges in one. Keep that up and you'll always be knocked up because you look so damn good, girl." I digress.
The point is, when I look down I don't want to see three very distinct parts of my belly. First, I've got some weird FUPA (look it up...I don't want to be the one who teaches you such things) thing going on at the area where the pants fabric and the Lycra panel are joined. Then, I've got a bulge between there and where the Lycra panel ends just above the midway portion of the belly. Finally, the top of the Lycra panel creates a bulge where the upper part of the belly continues on, up the ribcage to the breasts. It's hideous.
After all of these years of women being pregnant (depending on who you ask millions of years or thousands of years but nevertheless a really long flippin' time) you would think someone would get it right when it comes to designing clothing for pregnant women. Above all else, I should throw in the word "affordable" because that's the other end of the stick. There probably are really nicely designed maternity clothes that fit well and make the wearer feel less house-ish. I guess they're for the 1% (side note: the problem with the 1% is a case of first-world problems, yes?).
This is all to say that from here on out I'd like to wear muumuus and flip-flops every day. I wonder what the dress code policy is for the large, unnamed corporation I work for?
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