The Ultimate Man

I recently came across a list I made in the year 1 B.M. (Before Marcus…and yes, I’m well aware of the other definition for B.M. but that’s not what I’m speaking of). It was a list of 20 requirements I had for the “Ultimate Man.” It would appear that prior to making this list I had dated my fair share of not very ultimate men, else how would you explain requirement # 8, “has a car.” Considering I wrote this when I was 24 it’s kind of embarrassing I even went on a date with a guy who didn’t have a car (or at least have access to a car).

So, without further ado I give you the “Ultimate Man” list and how Marcus fares in comparison:

1. Funny – Marcus is funny sometimes. I think we both have to agree that I’m the funny one in this relationship. He is the Desi to my Lucy.

2. Smart – As he is currently finishing up his Doctorate work I think it goes without saying that he is smart. That or he’s a really good bullsh*tter.

3. Attractive (to me) – Yes, I included the parentheses in the original list. Marcus is attractive and I’m pretty certain I’m not the only who thinks so. His mom thinks so, too.

4. Has goals – Marcus has more goals than anyone I know which unfortunately translates into him not understanding why the rest of us don’t have a lot of goals. I remember in the first few years we dated he asked me what I wanted to do with my life and I answered, “be a stay-at-home mom.” He looked at me like I had two heads. It would seem that what he really wanted to hear was I wanted to be the first woman on the moon to knit a blanket.

5. A romantic – This is where Marcus loses brownie points. He’s romantic but only when society dictates (read: Valentine’s Day). To this day I’m still not sure how he wooed me in the early stages of our relationship besides offering to open my can of beer. *sigh* So dreamy.

6. Worships me – Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha*gasps*ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah*wipes away tears*

7. Has a job – Again, embarrassing that I apparently even dated a guy without a job. Needless to say, Marcus does indeed have a job and a good one at that.

8. Has a car – Marcus has a car. And a bus. And a Jeep. And another Jeep. And a Mercedes. And a Ford. And a four-wheeler. And a motorcycle. And a jet ski. And any other vehicle someone is trying to get rid of for cheap. Please, for all that is good and holy, please do not tell Marcus if you are selling your vehicle (of any kind). He will buy it from you and he will definitely pay you less than what you're asking for.

9. Has a home – If you know Marcus then you know he is the poor man’s Donald Trump.

10. Shares my beliefs – While I’m quite sure when I wrote this my beliefs were not the same as Marcus’s I have grown to share his beliefs.  Although, if we're talking about my belief in ghosts he does not share that belief.

11. Same music taste – We do share the same music taste though I may appreciate musicals a lot more than he does. 

12. Reads books – Marcus is a reader! He knows how to sound-out letters and form words! And he does it often! Oh, happy day!

13. Can read (goes w/12) – Oh. My. Word. This is embarrassing. I hope I was being facetious and didn’t actually date someone who couldn’t read.

14. Takes me places – In our 4 short years together Marcus and I have traveled to many places together, i.e. Marcus has footed the bill for our adventures: Hawaii, New Orleans, Las Vegas, NYC, Jamaica, Costa Rica, and the decidedly less exotic Rhode Island.

15. Good kisser – A girl never kisses and tells but I didn’t marry him knowing I’d be stuck with a crappy kisser the rest of my life, ya know what I’m saying, ladies?  Amirite or amirite?!

16. Nice dresser – Weeelllll…it can be achieved it’s just a matter of him wanting it.

17. Close to family – He is close to his family and I love that. In reading my diary it would seem that over time I began to really appreciate how important family is and I’m glad I kept that in mind when looking for my Ultimate Man.

18. Good conversationalist – (I then had an arrow pointing down that read “So far no luck!”) Marcus isn't much of a talker but I think the problem lies in that I talk too much. I’m the one giving people way too much information and he’s the one giving them too little. I guess we balance each other out that way.

19. Loves me – This goes without saying.

20. Talks about our relationship – Whoa, Lauren. Getting a little deep there.

So, that’s my B.M. list of the Ultimate Man and I would say Marcus fits about 90% of the attributes I required. I wonder if he kept a list of his Ultimate Woman? I bet if he made a list today it would include a “Does not blog about me” line.