The Ladies

After my depressing post yesterday I thought I'd follow it up with updates on the ladies.  Jo is getting bigger and bigger every day!  She's fitting comfortably in Carter's brand size 6 months which is just crazy since Alex was always so behind in her sizing.  I don't know what to do with this chunkster except squeeze her cheeks and love on her constantly.  She eats like a champ and has the body to prove it.  Last night she slept for 7 hours straight which was great.  The not so great part is she's sleeping in our bed so we have to transition her out sooner rather than later.  I'm going to hate that.  She's so adorable to wake-up to every morning and I'm going to miss snuggling up next to her.  We always put her right in the middle of the bed but over the course of the night she wiggles her way closer to me and we end up head to head by the morning.  She's been such a great baby and the few weeks of fusiness we went through seem to be over.  Jo's only real issue is she has a herniated belly button which looks worse than it is.  Other than that she has such excellent head control it surprised the pediatrician and her legs are so strong she can "stand" for a few seconds (while we hold her of course).  Jo even started smiling around 6 weeks and since then has been interactive with us, smiling and cooing and generally just being a happy baby.  Marcus and I both agree that she seems to be slightly more ahead of where Alex was developmentally.

Alex is slowly adjusting to her new role as big sister and no longer numero uno in the Tepaske world.  This is not to say that she's completely adjusted and there are not daily temper tantrums/meltdowns but I attribute that more to her age than anything else.  She also has all four molars popping up plus a few extra teeth in the front to that's certainly not helping her attitude.  Her vocabulary has increased dramatically over the last few months and, for the most part, I can understand what she's saying.  There are a few times I have no clue and just nod and smile.  I'm probably agreeing to her having a car at the age of 2 or something.  Alex is also starting to play more by herself and do make believe.  I'm not sure what's going on in that mind when she's feeding the snowman but he must have looked hungry.  Ever since Jo's arrival she's also really taken to her baby doll and cannot go to sleep without her.

Both girls keep me on my toes and the saying "there's no rest for the weary" is my life right now.  I'm trying very hard to enjoy every second and remind myself of how lucky we are to have two beautiful, healthy girls.  Every day is a trial in patience and unfortunately I'm not very good at it.  Maybe with time it will get easier as the girls get older.  Ahahahahahahahaha!

The ladies at Thanksgiving

Honesty

For those who are not aware we are moving to Jacksonville, North Carolina in just a few short weeks.  Marcus accepted a job with the USMC and so the Tepaske Tribe is uprooting and moving down south.  I always said I never wanted to move north of the Mason-Dixon Line (for no real reason other than it gets progressively colder and colder the farther north you get) and so I guess in that regards this is my wish come true.  Except, it isn't.  Now that we are moving I realize how much I do not want to move.  The whole thought is making me miserable.  It's not the only thing making me miserable but it's certainly at the top of the list.

Almost in line with the move and what's making me miserable is my everyday life.  I'm going to be perfectly honest here:  I have serious doubts on a daily basis that I'm a. cut-out to be a mom and, b. cut-out to be a stay-at-home mom.  Every day I wake-up and blink and it's the end of the day.  I don't know what I've done except both kids are fed and semi-clean.  That's not to say that everyone made it through the day without one or two breakdowns (myself included) but at least we're all safe.  Short of just making it through the day I cannot even begin to fathom trying to fit more than eating, pooping, and sleeping into the day.  As I type this I begin to realize I've fallen into some sort of depression.  Maybe I didn't escape the baby blues with JoJo like I thought I had and maybe it's just now beginning to rear it's ugly head. 

I'm sure there are a lot of things contributing to this feeling of depression and almost constantly feeling like on the verge of tears.  The upcoming move, taking on the role of stay-at-home mom, and having a new baby are just the tip of the icerberg.  As callous as this may sound I realized today that I have an inkling of understanding for women who abandon their families.  As a woman we're expected to change and become different people for our families and everyone else gets to stay the same.  It's an expectation placed on us by others as well as ourselves and unless you're filthy rich and can hire someone to take your place as mother and wife then you're stuck feeling like just a portion of the person you used to be.  I used to be fun and witty and enjoyed actually going out and doing things.  Now, I feel like I struggle to identify with others and the thought of having to actually get dressed to leave the house is daunting.  Maybe I'll feel better as we all settle into our new roles in North Carolina but right now, at this exact moment, I'm not looking forward to the future.