No. The Baby Has Not Been Born. STFU

Tomorrow is my official due date and as of this morning ain't nothing happening.  To everyone who has so helpfully offered advice on how to get this baby out let me first extend a heartfelt "thank you."  As I have only been pregnant one other time before this I was not aware of all the tricks of the trade, if you will, to help the labor process get started.  I would think it doesn't really need to be said but trust me when I say, there is nobody in the world who wants more than I do for this baby to be born.  None of the tricks you are proposing are new to me nor do they interest me because I think they're all a bunch of crap.  First of all, let me state right off the bat that I will not be having sex to induce labor.  Labor is less labor than trying to have sex right now.  So, let's just all agree to drop that suggestion.  Second, other labor inducing old wives solutions such as eating spicy food, eating pineapple, and going for walks are all things that a pregnant woman could be doing at any second when her labor begins.  Statistically speaking, there are so many pregnant women in the world that the odds are very, very high that she may be doing one of the aforementioned things and thus the myth of a new labor inducing method is born (ha, no pun intended).  Therefore, unless there has been a scientific study conducted proving the benefits of those labor inducing methods I refuse to believe they actually work.  Plus, on Saturday I went for the longest walk of my life and the only thing it did was make me feel like I ran a marathon the next day and the only thing I wanted to do was sleep.  So, at this moment in time if everyone could exhibit some modicum of patience that would be great.  Otherwise, I will probably not tell you when the baby is born.  Thank you.