My Life

For posterity sake, and so that one day I can look back and think to myself "And I thought I was busy then," because I know that will happen once children are older and more activities are scheduled, I will write down a typical day for myself:

5:00 AM - Marcus's alarm goes off, I contemplate how to murder him and dispose of the body but decide trying to fall back asleep is a better idea

6:15 AM - My own alarm goes off though it's questionable whether I physically get up

6:30 AM - Get up and jump in the shower like an idiot who just wasted 15 precious minutes she didn't have, get dressed and put-on what little make-up is necessary to look somewhat alive, realize that the clock is ticking and my hair is put on the back-burner again (this comes back to bite me in the a$$ when halfway through the day I look in the mirror and realize the Bride of Frankenstein has been walking around), wake-up Alex (if she isn't already), go downstairs to get her milk because she's a frickin' milk junkie and needs her fix ASAP, go back upstairs and change Alex's diaper then get her dressed while chasing her down the hall as she flings her milk around which stains my work clothes but who has time to change at this point?

7:20 AM (if we're lucky) - Go back downstairs, I swallow breakfast whole or make something (i.e. toast) for the road all while trying to get Alex to eat something which generally consists of a banana that she promptly smashes into her clothes, pack Alex's daycare bag, make my lunch, then load about a million bags in the car all while trying to remember Alex is still in her highchair

7:40 AM - Finally leave the house (maybe...that's on a good day)

7:50 AM - Drop Alex off at daycare

8:30(ish) AM - Arrive at work half an hour late as usual, also try to remember how I got there

4:30 PM - Leave work

5:15 PM - Pick-up Alex from daycare, inquire if she had any meltdowns (she did), empathize with the teachers and hope that isn't indicative of how the rest of the evening will proceed (it is)

5:30 PM - Arrive at home and begin making dinner right away, Alex begins her epic meltdown routine at this exact moment which consists of a plank while crying hysterically, I ponder how she doesn't have amazing abs then resume cooking and attempting to discover the source of Alex's displeasure, assume her breakdown is because she needs her milk fix which I procure and which solves the problem up until she somehow dumps the entire cup on herself, strip Alex down and set her loose to continue cooking and keeping an ear out for trouble as the half naked baby wanders the house crying

6:00 PM - Put something on the table (Lord knows what...Alex's pants might be in there somewhere for all I know) and watch as Alex either eats heartily or chews it, spits it out, then throws all of it on the floor in her way of giving dinner her own special "two thumbs up/down" rating

6:30 PM - Bathe Alex and get her ready for bed which may or may not lead to a complete break-down again,  depending on whether break-down occurs or not either sit on the couch staring blankly at the wall as she throws herself around on the floor crying hysterically or get an opportunity to love on her and play with her for the first time all day

7:45 PM - Begin the bedtime routine of brushing Alex's teeth, reading a book, then nite-nite time, again, we're walking on eggshells at this point and this may or may not end well depending on if I can trick her into bed without a milk fix which usually works as long as Dada doesn't gallantly show up from his activities at the exact moment I'm putting her to sleep and pokes his head in the door so he can at least "see" Alex for the first time that day

8:00 PM - If nite-nite time ends well then clean-up the house from where Alex left her carnage, clean-up the kitchen and whatever dinner turned out to be, possibly find dried cat vomit and clean that up, then try and tackle various other chores that can be accomplished in a small amount of time.  If nite-nite time did not end well all cleaning is put aside for figuring out how to pacify Alex which, generally speaking is, you guessed it, milk

9:00 PM - Get myself ready for bed

9:15 PM - Finally sit down on the couch in an attempt to completely zone out and wonder what's on TV which is nothing so, for about an hour, scroll through the channels not ever finding anything worth spending more than five minutes on

10:00 PM - Go to bed to start the day over in 8 hours.  The End.

None of this includes Marcus's 12 hour work days (which are only going to get longer in the next few weeks) or his soccer, volleyball, or flying lessons schedule and nor does it include my weekly ballet lesson.  It also doesn't include the fact that both of us are in school, Marcus for his Doctorate in Engineering and me for my Bachelor of Psychology.  This also doesn't include the standard household chores, home repairs, vehicle maintenance, or lawn maintenance that all need to take place during the weekend (maybe) (and no, there is still not a bathroom, thanks for rubbing it in).

Needless to say, life is busy and needless to say because of that some things may fall to the way-side because I barely have time to scratch my butt.  The other day Marcus remarked that we rarely speak of the new baby to which I almost laughed.  No sh*t, considering the only chance I get to spend time with Marcus is when we're sleeping next to each other let alone hold a conversation.

So, there you have it.  My life, written down in 800 words or less.