I thought I had started a list of things pregnant women can't do but apparently all I did was write a blog about what pregnant women can't do at amusement parks, very specific. So, without further ado, here is a list of things pregnant women can't do in general:
1. Drink. Obviously. And yes, after 7.5 months I'm still missing my red wine.
2. Get dressed. I need to work-out just to be able to get dressed in the morning. I exert more energy putting pants on than a gymnast does at the Olympics.
3. Roll-over in bed. This requires a three-step process actually: 1. wake-up 2. sit-up 3. roll-over.
4. Sit down. Even getting in an SUV type vehicle, which typically doesn't require much lowering of oneself, requires a lot of effort.
5. Shave. At least the area that needs shaving the most as that particular area is the area seen by the doctor on what will eventually be a weekly basis. I don't think I need to explain that much further.
6. Be able to sit close enough to the table so that when eating and possible spillage occurs it doesn't fall on you.
7. Take a "joke."
8. Stay up past midnight without contemplating murder.
9. Clean a kitty litter box. This isn't a complaint. Just an FYI.
10. Look at one's feet without having to lean over slightly. Speaking of which I may or may not need to clip my toenails.
11. In line with the above: clip one's toenails.
12. Move swiftly. Cat-like reflexes or ninja moves are completely out.
13. Wear a wedding ring and engagement ring at the same time.
14. Use the bathroom without requiring the use of a plunger on a regular basis. I already touched on that in a previous post. I won't touch on it anymore.
15. Breathe.
16. Driving while contemplating the death of every other driver out there is a common occurance. Though to be fair this happened before I was pregnant, too.
17. Speaking of murder. Contemplate the likeliehood a pregnant woman could get off the hook for murder...there aren't any known cases but I'm willing to be the first: "Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of 9 month's pregnant." (While this isn't necessarily something I cannot do it is something I should not do.)
BWAWAWAHHAAAAAHAHAHAA! I so related to this... its nice to know I wasnt the first pregnant woman to not be able to use the bathroom without the use of a plunger! I also missed sushi, high heels, being able to get dressed without worrying about my enormous ass being covered adequately and sleeping at night for more than 2 hours at a time without having to pee in a "Marcus state" of wakefullness.
ReplyDelete-Kristen W